❧ Life Love Laugh.

2012: New beginnings.

2012-01-02T01:44:00.002+08:00

Hello readers.

It's been quite some time since I last blogged yeah?

I wonder if anyone still reads my blog hmm...

Recently I've been more active on my Tumblr so yeah. :)

So yeah, this post will be what I've done in 2011 and my new year resolutions!

Are you ready?!

2011 has been a really shitty yet awesome year. So many things happen. So many people change. And I won't deny that I changed too. In Sec 1, I was a happy-go-lucky person. I didn't really have anything to worry about. Except dreading to go the band. Seriously LOL. I am proud to say that in Secondary 2, I was a very very happy person. School was good. Band was good too. In school, I kinda got used to the environment and the people around me. In band, I wasn't the junior anymore. :) In Secondary 3, I don't know what's gotten into me. I was happy, sad, stressed, insecure, sensitive, everything. So much mixed feelings back then. And it's when I found someone to love. I don't think it's just an ordinary crush. It's like....I never liked someone so so so much before. Wow I sound so obsessive but whatever. Judge me all you like. Yeah I did many crazy things in Secondary 3. I pierced my cartilage, I dyed my hair, I cut myself blahblahblah. Rebellious age? But hey, I didn't smoke, club or drink. Yup, 15. Even the people around me said I've changed a lot. Sorry, I wasn't the old Clare Ching.

Studies.

2 words: Fucked up. I wouldn't say I can cope with my studies in Secondary 3. I sort of scraped my way through everything. I almost couldn't get promoted. Yeah I was that bad. But thanks God, I got promoted to Secondary 4. But yeah, they say Secondary 2 and Secondary 3 was a huge jump. And that Sec 3 was all about retaining or not. I believe it now. Though it's the same number of subjects as Secondary 2, there wasn't Art, DnT or Homeecons. So yeah, I struggled. I think I'm gonna die in Secondary 4...

Band.

Gosh, where do i start?? It was this year, that my batch got very close together. And that we got closer as a section too. But it's the stressful year. Well, Sec 3s have to take charge of the whole band after the Sec 4s left and yeah, the majors struggled at first too. What the rest of us could do was to support and help to plan stuff. Thats how we got really close. Everytime after practice, we stayed back and lock the band room, walk out of school when the sky is dark, slacked and talked about band etc. It was really fun. Yeah band is taking up alot of my time and I don't know if it's one of the reasons why I couldn't study. But I won't regret it man. It's like, in 2011, my passion for band grew a lot. I am proud to say that I really love NCWO. Thanks for all the memories. Memories Of Friendship. Through band, I also got to know many other new friends from other bands. And some of them really made a huge impact on my life. (: Never thought I would get this close to those people. I'm glad to have them as my friends. Music brings people together. :)

Friends.

Like I said in my previous paragraph, I made many wonderful friends in 2011. I realised there were many people who actually cares for me. I can't express how grateful I am to those people who were always there to cheer me up when I was sad, or just be a listening ear. It's good enough. I can say I'm a very insecure and sensitive person. I get awkward with people easily. It takes time for me to open up to you. And when I do, I don't close my heart for you that easily. I can't let go easily. I am a very stubborn person. :) But yeah, I constantly feel that I annoy people. That's why I NEVER start a conversation with you. Unless you really mean a lot to me and I'm dying to talk to you. So if I do start a conversation with you, will you please continue to talk to me?

I can't continue blogging for now. My mind's in a blank. All I can say is: 2011 is a really eventful year. I just wish in 2012, life would be simple for me. :) Just concentrate on my Os and make the people around me happy. I don't want to be the cause of anyone's unhappiness or anger. I must try to be a better person in 2012. If I ever offend you this year, then I apologise first.

So yeah,

2012 Resolutions:

Concentrate on Os. Be a better person. Make the people around me happy. Don't be the cause of someone's sadness or anger.

I'm not asking for too much am I? :)

I'm really happy that I got to end 2011 and start 2012 with you. I thank you for everything. From the bottom of my heart. You made me realise so many things. I need not elaborate right? :)

Let's all pray for a better tomorrow. Look forward and don't ever look back. There are much more things awaiting you in 2012. Cheers!

P/S: I still hope the world ends this year.

Back to December.

2011-12-15T00:38:00.002+08:00

Why is it always that when someone likes me, I don't like them. But when I finally like them, they don't like me anymore? This sucks. It's so unfair. Is God playing some kind of tricks on me? Testing me out? I don't want to play anymore. I don't know if I can actually get over you. I mean, I can't picture myself liking another guy. I don't want to try to get over you or try to fall for another guy. No. And the thing about me is that, I can never really get over someone until I find someone else to love. But I don't think I'm gonna find someone like you. Yeah, laugh at me all you want. I admit I'm weak. I like staying at this spot.

Wish I could go back to December 2010.

:)

2011-12-13T23:30:00.007+08:00

Hello, yes I'm back from my Taiwan trip!! :) Almost 1 week away from SG. A good escape from reality haha. But in the process I missed some band practices and 1 combined practice LOL. Oh wellz.

Anyway, I'm too lazy to post about my Taiwan trip lah, so...I'll post about other things instead. :)

2 Dec:

After band, went home bathe and everything! Meet bandmates @ CP for dinner and off we go to Singapore Conference Hall for St Pats a night of "Music To Remember" concert. :)

Reached there just in time haha!! (My heels killed me.) They played pieces like Postcards from Singapore, Memories Of Friendship, Orient Express, Symphonic Episode 1, Der Vogelhandler hahaha. There's a Clarinet, Saxophone and Percussion ensemble after intermission!! Super cool can. :) After their wonderful performance, we went to find them haha. I went to give Clarence, Ashley and Jonny their flowers and chocolates!! (Last time I give letter le hor!) THen started taking pictures! Polaroids. :)

Me and my awesome bro Clarence! :)

He's awesome in playing his cornet, no kidding! :) Alot of solos hor hahaah!

Oh, can you see in the picture he's holding something red? It's the Kinder Bueno i gave him!

Me and Ashley Estrop! :) Super duper awesome Clarinetist hehe.

P/S: He's not a malay, he's an Eurasian!

(I know I look weird here and I'm not looking into the camera lol.)

Me and my girlfriend Jasmine Wong!!! :)

She's super cute and ahlian but she's nice. :)

P/S: I like the sunflower!!!

(She asked me to type something here for her cos' she jealous i never write much!)

Me and my favourite senior Claire Lim! :)

Me and pretty girl Cheryl Ong Siow Bin BMM! :)

HEHEHEH. Awesome Skypers. :) Love you girls!

Me and Gabriel Lim!!! :)

Clarinet Section!!!! :D

Clearer picture of Clarinet section. :)

(I think i look super pretty in this pict heheh. *bhb*)

I think it was a great performance! :) Mr Glz doesn't think so LOL. After the concert rushed home and left for Taiwan early in da morning. :) I'll post about my Taiwan trip next entry, I promise!!

Bye peeps! :) x

Oh, happy 13/12/11.

-

2011-12-01T23:15:00.002+08:00

To-Do list:

1. Need. To. Be. Prettier.

Siriously.

Infinite.

2011-11-25T21:14:00.001+08:00

Today was great. It was good to see you. You're as cute as ever. And when it you guys' turn to perform, it was very nice. Although y'all didn't perform to your best, 'cause your embouchure must be dying after so many days of band camp. I still enjoyed it. Your fingers was like omg. You made me love you more. We didn't get a chance to say Hi. ):

Anyway, just wanna say, 2011 was a great year. I learnt alot this year. I think I somehow changed. But I think I matured in one way or another too. :) This year's really special. Met so many new people and new friends. I really don't want this year to end. 'Cause i might not get to see you ever again...

I will still love you. You know it.

Angel With A Shotgun.

2011-11-23T20:28:00.004+08:00

Hello. I'm bored now so I'll do a quick post. I've been going out for the past few days! :)

Monday - Watched 23:59, In Time and went Titanic Exhibition w/ @maril_song & @jolene_keety!

I wore heels that day. Totally regretted manz, walked until wanna die. Now my legs hurting, no joke.

Tuesday - Lan @ Plaza Sing w/ @Xiaotang_ & @valeriechaan!

Audition and L4D2! Sibei shiok.

Today, band. :) :) :) I love my CCA. I love NCWO. I love my bandmates. I love Clarinet section. When I go for band, I forget about everything else, all my worries. I'm not lying. And I enjoy hanging out with my bandmates after practice everytime. Love my band clique heehee. :) I don't care if my parents blame everything on band. I'm still going for band.

And yeah! Tomorrow gonna play badminton with @stayandlove, @Siowbinn, @Xiaotang_ & @valeriechaan. After that maybe gonna catch a movie lalala.

I'm fucking broke. I need a job. Anybody got lobang?

Oh and, I pierced my ear again. Now i have 5 earholes! And did something to my hair. I'm not an ahlian fuck you. :)

Toodles.

You know I still love you xoxo.

Edit/: I want a fucking collar bone. A super obvious one. ):

Band camp.

2011-11-18T00:22:00.001+08:00

Hi! (:

Yes, I'm back from band camp yesterday. It was so so so memorable and fun and everything. Learned alot even though it's only a short 3D2N. Okay it's more like 3D3N lor hahaha. I only didnt like the food. :b Except the last meal. Fried rice.

Anyway, yesterday was band POP. Sec 1s played Way Out West, The Twist and St. Petersburg March. Main band played Disco Lives, Sleigh Bells Jingling, Flight Of Valor and yes, Memories Of Friendship. Memories Of Friendship was totally crap man. I don't know what to say. It's just, CRAP. Yeah I admit, it was bad. High C was so out of tune. The crash, everything! ): And it was played for our Sec 4s senior. I'm so sorry we didn't put up a great performance. I wasn't sure if it was because we played after a saddening video of our memories in band or was it because everyone was already so tired. Or maybe we are just that bad. But my lip was as dry as hell. EVEN NOW. I feel like I'm in a cold country. -.- My teeth didn't hurt from all the playing though. (:

And yeah, many things happened during the band camp. You know I know, Clarinet section. HAHAH. Okay I shall not elaborate further. I don't wanna be mean. Night sectionals was pretty fun. Oh i forgot, on the 2nd night, there was 2 golden bugs in our classroom LOL. One on Jolene's bag, one on my hairband wtf. We were freaking out. Hero Marilyn came to the rescue. (: And yeah obviously I wouldn't want to use that hairband anymore. Thanks Jolene for lending me hers. (:

I'm super devastated that the seniors are stepping down. I can't believe that they're alumnis already. It's so fast! ): It feels like yesterday when I was a Sec 1. All the memories we shared. From teaching us theory to SYF'2011. I want to play as a band with them once more. One more time please? ): Gonna miss all of them so much. I rather be a junior than a senior yknow. :/ But yeah, people come and go. Hope they'll all do well in Os, Ns and come back to visit us whenever they can. :') Oh, Clarinet section should get an award for being the most emotional section. #justsayin hahaha.

Overall, band camp was good. I kinda miss it now. Miss sleeping on the tables in between Jolene and YuFang. Whatsapping Marilyn and Jolene at night cos' we can't sleep. Talking to YuFang about my problems and her problems. Well it was fun. :) Mr Glz also officially told us he was leaving.. ): 18 Dec will be his last concert with us. Yeah, must blow my lungs out. ): I gonna miss him, really. I was on the verge of tearing when we told us and talked to us about it. Mr Tang gonna be our new conductor huh? Pro, my batch change 3 conductor already. But still, my batch was the lucky one, cos' we get to be under the baton of Mr Glz for 2 years!! Muahaha. But yeah, his son is really luck, this i must say. Letting him study overseas at such a young age and pursue his dream. :) Goodluck! I wish i'm his daughter LOL.

Okay I shall let some pictures do the talking now!

I have no idea what I'm doing here!

I look weird here right? ._.

AND I'LL END OFF WITH....

A super unglam shot of me!

TOODLES!!! (: Nan Chiau open house on Saturday. Come support? HAHAHA.

hässlich

2011-11-09T22:30:00.000+08:00

I feel so ugly...

Just a dream.

2011-11-05T20:42:00.003+08:00

"When you look me in the eye."

"I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you."

"I shouldn't love you, but I want to."

Hahahahaa my heart hurts so much right now. Would you bother if a car bang me right now? I wonder. Sucks when I'm alone and I think so much. And I tend to think negatively. When I saw you I know I'm not over you. When I saw you, I forgave you. Yes, a part of me is mad at you, but I could never stay mad at you for long. I don't know if today was a good or bad thing. Your eyes. You're good. As in, seriously seriously good... But ah, I doubt your tweets were linked to me. Nah, it can't be. Not this time. My previous post? It was a lie.

I tried. I really tried.

"I was thinking bout' you, thinking bout' me, thinking bout' us, what we gonna be."

Sweet nothings.

2011-10-21T22:51:00.000+08:00

I am happy. :)

Love?

2011-10-17T21:06:00.002+08:00

I like to wonder, what is Love?

It makes us stupid. It makes us do silly things. Humans need Love and with Love we're supposed to feel happier but why do so many people feel even more miserable with it? It really got me thinking. Actually everyone is just trying to find someone whom they love and love them back. But it's really very difficult. I mean, look, so many people in the world. You like A. A like B. B like C. C like D and the cycle repeats. Love is dumb. Relationshit.

Though on the other hand, Love can really make us feel like nothing else matters other than the person you love. It's really heaven when you find someone whom you truly love and loves you back. Well, I experienced it before. It was nice while it lasted. I didn't give up, I'm still keeping the faith.

Therefore,

Love can make us feel on top of the world as well as kill us slowly in our hearts. To the extent that some of us need physical pain in compensation. What an irony.

Fts.

2011-10-16T00:56:00.001+08:00

Everything is so fucked up now la. Exams gonna be over soon. Monday left Physics and Chem paper 1. After exams still have to worry about results. Fuck this shit.

Sorry I'm just so ^$@*$^@*$^)(!&#%$$ now ._.

I dont know what to do now lah okay... I screwed so much things up. Specifically, I screwed so many relationships I have with people. Its like, I don't even know what I did wrong and some people stopped talking to me. ): And they're the ones who mean the MOST to me. FUCK. THIS. SHIT. Can I just run away and never come back?! Omg i really fucked alot of things up.. I wanna throw my phone away. Fuck technology. I need someone whom i trust to tell me what to do. You. But where are you? Even you left me in my darkest hour. I miss you so badly. I'm not lying. ): Okay I seriously need to sort my feelings out. BUT FUCK IT, CAN YOU TELL ME WHY ARE YOU DOING YOUR BEST TO AVOID ME? ): ):

AND YOU, WHY ARE YOU SO NICE TO ME? I FEEL SO FUCKING GUILTY...

SOMEONE, JUST KILL ME NOW.

I know you might think I'm exaggerating. But this is my blog. I can post whatever i like. You think I'm AA? Okay can. But you'll never know how I feel. Just like how nobody will ever understand how YOU (anybody reading this) are feeling. It's killing me. I'm a bitch. I go around hurting people when they start getting close to me. I'm selfish. Be careful, don't let me close enough to hurt you. You know, i really suck at rejecting people. I really hate it when all the guys come and talk to me and then I'll think of you. But i doubt you'll even care or feel jealous or anything right? Yeah shame on me, I still can't get over you. And because of that, I'm hurting another guy's feelings. But if you ever read this, I know you're gonna even distance more from me now. You think I'll feel better? Fuck no. I'll feel as miserable as you are. I know you're dying inside too. Or maybe you're in love with someone else? Heard you settled down? And that you're happy without me. I really hope you're not in love with someone else. I'm selfish, I want you all by myself. But you don't want me anymore. And I don't know why. I knew it was too good to be true. Why would someone as perfect as you fall for someone like me? I'm not pretty, not skinny enough, not perfect. You, on the other hand, is different. Which is why I know you'll leave me someday. But I know you're insecure too. You're afraid of getting hurt and afraid of hurting me. But why are you doing this to us? You never even give yourself a chance. Haha I don't even know why I like you so much. Even though we don't talk anymore, there isnt a day that I won't think of you. I really hope you'll talk to me again. Though I know it's impossible. You probably hate me to the core now. Just so you know, I still love you. If I could, I would drink a love-forgetting potion. But such thing don't exist and I can't control these feelings, can I? I can't probably tell my heart to stop loving you. It isn't that easy you know? You make me fall for you so deep and now you want me to forget you. Why are you doing this to me? ): You make me so crazy and so confused. Your actions are always unpredictable. To the extent that you make me do stupid things like cut myself. And now everytime I look at my hand I'll get reminded of you. It sucks that I can only see you post statues on Facebook and tweet on Twitter but I can never get to hear your voice or see your face again. I want to rewind the time so badly. Now I can't even love someone else because you're still in my heart. I don't want to forget you. I am still hanging on to that last glimmer of hope.

Someone like you.

2011-10-07T20:54:00.000+08:00

Never mind I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you too

Don't forget me, I beg, I remembered you said

Sometimes it lasts in love, sometimes it hurts instead

I fucking love you.

To those who were there.

2011-09-23T21:24:00.003+08:00

Life is a little different these days. It's been some time since I last blogged yeah?

I was super busy these days. 5 tests this week, i wonder hope I survived this week but I'm glad I did. :) (Though I did badly for Chem test fml. Could've gotten 6 more marks if i didnt change my answer last minute.) Emaths test was still okay. (:

But yeah, life without you was kinda different. But I'm somehow am starting to get used to it. (Why do I sound like I was previously attached? Nah Im not.) Every now and then I still think of you. Wait no. Even though my life goes on and I'm doing different things everyday, a part of my mind will still be thinking of you. This sucks shit you know. You are one difficult person to forget. I bet you want me to forget you that's why you're doing this right? Or is it because of my tweet that day? But yeah you have every right to be angry about it. That's why I feel like I shouldn't talk to you anymore. Yknow since I saw that tweet of yours I feel so...annoying. Like I am irritating you. Maybe I really am sometimes, I don't know. But I'm sorry okay? Now I won't be angry/sad/bitch about you in my tweets anymore. Do you read my Tumblr? Cause they're all about you. This feels like a game of pretend. I'm pretending that it doesn't bother me one bit but actually I'm dying inside. You know how that feels? When you have to pretend to be happy and wear a smile to school everyday because you're just too tired to explain your feelings to people. And because they'll never understand. Fuck this shit. Everynight before I sleep I'll think about all those things you said before. And I remember a promise you once made. Do you? Maybe not. Well you promised that you would come and find me at my school and pass me those jellybeans haha. Nevermind I am just a distraction in your life. Maybe you'll be happier without me in your life. :)

To the 2 person who constantly talks to me everyday:

Thank you. Alot. (: You 2 made me feel like I was worth someone's time. I really appreciate it that you 2 would text me first everyday without fail. I feel so insecure now that I don't text people first unless they asked me to. But sometimes it really got me thinking that I might hurt you both one day. I really don't wanna hurt you 2...

And to the person who's been there for me since last year:

Hey sorry for not talking to you much these days. I've been really busy and I bet you are too right? I really don't wanna drift from you. I feel so guilty because everytime you talk to me I give you short and cold replies because I'm busy. I'm sorry. I will try to make time for you. I really treasure this friendship okay? And doesnt mean I'm a girl so you have to text me first or else we won't talk. You can still confide in me and I will lend a listening ear. Bestfriends. :)

To all my awesome friends who've been there:

I love you everyone of you who always cheer me up when I'm sad over stupid things haha. I don't know how to express my love for you all. Well there's so many of you who really care for me. Thanks, I can feel it. I feel so fortunate. My clique, my band clique etc. You guys are the people who can make me temporarily forget all my troubles when I'm having fun with y'all. I love doing crazy things with my friends! You guys can really see through me. I love my clique: Osb, Opr, JasmineA, Daphne, Vanessa, Serene, Maddie. I love my band members: Clarinet section (of course), Osb, JasmineW, Valerie, Daphne, HuiNgoh. Thanks guys. Hope I didn't leave any of you out. (:

Not forgetting other people who would bother to ask me if I'm okay when I'm not:

Claire Lim, Raymond, PC, Daryl.

I'm being super honest in this post. (: I realise so many people care for me. I should stop being so inferior about everything. And stop hurting myself unnecessarily.

Right now: Focus on EOYs. After EOYs I'll waste my life away. I don't know how I'm gonna do that, but yeah. :D And after EOYs, I'll have plenty of times to catch up with the friends I drifted from and think about many other things. I hope I'll get promoted to Sec 4.

P/S: I will love you.

Do you know what's skinny love?

2011-09-09T00:44:00.001+08:00

You need to give yourself a chance to love.

♡♡♡

.

2011-09-06T23:58:00.000+08:00

I just had to post this.

Goodnight.

I love you.

2011-08-31T18:33:00.006+08:00

Hi, I just got back from school and I'm eating my cake hehe! The reason why I'm back so early today is because there's no band. The teachers had to go for Teacher's Day dinner. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing. :/ Anyway, I'm gonna blog! (I'm still in my school blouse and home shorts teehee! I like wearing like this!)

Hey you, this is for you! (: (I really hope you'll read this!)

Like I told you before, you're a really wonderful person. You're so perfect, so flawless, so everything. (I know you can't know these compliments but I'm still gonna say it!) Your brown eyes. Your hair. Your smile. Your complexion HDWDIEFNEIFHDNR!!! You're damn cute. No I don't think you're gay. I sound so pedo but whatever haha! You bake. You cook. You can play music. You can sing. Who knows if you might even be able to draw well?! I really feel so inferior sometimes yknow. ): Like I'm too ugly for you. I can't do anything that you can do. I'm serious. #confession. I cannot cook. I cannot bake. I don't play good music. I can't sing. I can't draw. Such a #failure. Don't even know what you see in me.. That's why I'm so scared one day you'll realise there isn't anything good about me. I'm just a typical girl. Anyway, you're you and I love you for you who are. So don't ever think that you're less than perfect or a monster or a devil! A beautiful monster? :D You can easily make my heart melt. I like that feeling though. ^^
Okayokay, I'll stop being long-winded. Just know that I'll love you no matter what! (: Even if you always eat curry puff and I hate them. I hope that you can see that you're the greatest greatest thing to me. (I'm so corny.)
Yoü And I.

Love,
Me. (:

P/S: OKAY I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO BAKE A CAKE AT LEAST!!! OR MUFFINS!!!! :(

What if.

2011-08-26T22:58:00.000+08:00

If I became a singer will you love me more?

I'm sorry.

2011-08-24T00:46:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry but I just cut myself again. I'm sorry to those I promised not to cut anymore. I used to say I would never cut never thought this day would come.

Who am I to get jealous?

2011-08-23T23:36:00.002+08:00

I look down at my phone and I see your name.

I instantly get excited just at the sight of your name. It doesn’t matter what the message says, I’ll still get excited. I like the fact that you took time out of your day just to talk to me. Sure you may be talking to other people, but you’re talking to me. I like that & it makes me want to talk to you even more. Our conversation might not last as long, but at least, I can look at our messages & just smile. You don’t realize how happy I get just at the sight of your name on my phone. Brings a smile to me every day.
-Tumblr

Weeks went by but I didn't stop thinking about you. Mushy, yeah. Whatever but not like you'll read this or even give a fuck right? You know what? I shouldn't even care cause you don't even give a fuck about me. It's not the same anymore. So you ditched me for her. Okay, I know now. Totally read something I didn't wanna read. It made my heart sink. Like really deep. And I start crying. In front of the computer. Dumb or dumb. I know, I shouldn't even be shedding a tear for you cause you don't even shed any for me. All you have is her. She is always on your mind whereas me? HAH. Wishful thinking. Seriously why am I so dumb?! UGHHHHH I hate myself at this point of time. But I realised you and her are more compatible. I admit, she's prettier and all and yeah afterall, we're both from different worlds. But just to let you know, you're the first guy who made me do such a stupid thing. (Like you'll ever read this.) Yeah I suppose she cheers you up/comfort you when you're down, listen to your problems etc. LIKE I NEVER?! Whatever, why am I comparing... I'll never match up to her.

Now I can't fucking sleep. Cause I know I'll be thinking about this for the next few days. Ugh Clare Ching, wake up. You're not meant for him. Stop waiting. He ditched you. He. Ditched. You. I used to think you had your reasons. I choose to believe it. But now, I'm slowly starting to lose faith. Cause I found out that the reason was something else. Silly me. I am so naive. I am a loser in love. A loser. Cause you find me ugly right? Used to think I was your everything. You made me feel special. Then I realised you started treating her the same way. Or should I say, even better. So it was my fault all along? For thinking the wrong way? False hope suck. Why did you make me feel special and fall for you then you ditched everything and ran away like we never met at all?! WHY. Why you cheat my feelings... ): My heart feels like it's ripping apart. Just kill me now.

So I'm just gonna sit here and cry my heart out till the sun comes up.

Misery in my heart.

2011-08-19T00:30:00.003+08:00

Heyo people.

Yes, Common Test 2 is finally over!! (:

Yeah it ended today and on the very same day, we got some papers back. All I can say is: I'm so disappointed with myself. I was quite confident that I could at least pass the Chemistry paper. But I didn't. Guess I was wrong. I'm so sorry Miss Leow. I know you're very disappointed with our class that you're on the verge of crying. You're strong, you keep your feelings inside you. The only one time that we saw you cry is when you were telling us about this girl scolding her Mum vulgarities. What you reap is what you sow. Effort in = effort out. I put in effort but I didn't get the result I wanted. Does this mean that I'm too stupid or stupid? Or am I just not putting in enough effort yet? I tried to study the pass few days. I really did TRY to study, believe me. But I couldn't fully concentrate. My mind always wandered off. And part of my mind was always thinking of something else. Even when I was doing my exam paper. It sucks having to constantly think of someone but you can't express or tell them you miss them. You can only quietly miss them from a distance. I was so depressed that I did something really stupid on Saturday. (After I saw something I didn't want to see.) Yeah it just crossed my mind and I really felt like I needed that physical pain. Whatever, it doesn't make a difference does it?

Now that Common Test 2 is over, EOYs is coming in a few weeks time. What da fuck? Why is time so fast? Can it slow down? I need to buy time. I wanna rewind time. If I could rewind the time I would do everything differently. I would treasure you more. Trust me. But oh well, we all know rewinding the time is impossible. So what for hope for it? band is resuming today. Sad to say, but honestly I kinda dread going to band these days. I mean, don't you guys (Sec 3s) feel the same? I don't know for the Sec 1s or Sec 2s. Today Valerie Chan and OSB told me they kinda dreaded it. It's so tiring you know? It's so hard to cope your studies, CCA and at the same time enjoy your life too. 24 hours a day, isn't it too little? And the worst thing is I now have my retainers. It's so fucking troublesome. I have to take it down during major meals. Now I don't even know if I can play my Clarinet. I mean, I can play my Clarinet but I don't know if the sound or anything would be affected? It sucks having to adapt to changes. I had braces and I adapted to it. And then i took it out and I could still play my Clarinet. Now, with retainers? Who knows. We'll find out tomorrow.

Speaking about changes, I really hate changes. Though some changes may be good. But I hate bad changes. I hate having to adapt to something. Its like waking up in the morning one day and realised that someone decided not to talk to you anymore, forever again. Leaving you hanging there completely without a reason at all. And you have to adapt to it. Take it like it doesn't affect you one bit at all when in actual fact it is slowly killing you on the inside. It sucks. It really sucks. It sucks having to be drifting from people you NEVER want to drift from. And they made it seem so fucking easy. That's what hurts most. It makes me feel insignificant. Like I wasn't worth their time in the very first place. Then why for make me fall for you and then leaving like you toyed enough with me? If i met with an accident right now, would you even give a damn? The first few days I was really very depressed but there's nothing I could do if I was the only person who wanted to clap. Clapping takes 2 hands. Slowly I thought I was starting to get over the fact that you didn't want me anymore. That you don't need me in your life and you don't want to talk to me forever. Then I realised that you never left my mind. Its like in the morning I wake up: Your face and name appears in my mind. Before I sleep: Your face and name appears in my mind. And whenever I hear those songs I would think of you. Fuck you, seriously, for making me feel so fucked up over you. You happy now? Happy seeing me suffering, in misery over you? I even dreamt that night that you called me to talk. I woke up, wondering if it was just a dream or was it real. I check my phone, it was just a dream. ): So it all ends here? Just like that? Seriously? Okay. I'm so useless. There's nothing I could do to salvage it. It's all my fault. My fault k. I'm just too ugly for you.

I hate the fact that I still love you.

Me.

2011-08-10T00:30:00.004+08:00

I hate myself.

I think I'm ugly. Seriously. You want my face? You can have it. I can never be skinny enough, musical enough, or talented enough. I realise I have nothing I'm good at. I don't have a subject which I'm strong at. I can't dance, sing or cook. I don't even know why people like me. (If there is) I can't picture people smiling instantly after receiving a text from me or having butterflies in their stomach when I look at them. (Which is why I know you'll never fall for someone like me.) I think I'm a very boring person and people get tired of me easily. I'm annoying. I'm childish. I'm so unglam. I can be a real bitch sometimes. I'm selfish. (Which is why I can understand the reason you guys leave me out sometimes. Do you ever wonder how I would feel? You guys always disappear without a reason. I feel insignificant. I feel unimportant. I feel like I wasn't part of you guys. Or maybe I really ain't.) Everytime I see a pretty girl on the street I wish I was her. I never wanted to be Clare Ching. I know I shouldn't be complaining because there're people out there who is much worser than me. But sorry, I just needed to rant.

It's time that I realise I stand alone.

And the point is, I really hate myself sometimes. Like right now. Goodnight.

You stole it.

2011-08-08T23:48:00.000+08:00

You stole my heart away and left me hanging on.

Gravity in your universe.

2011-07-28T22:50:00.001+08:00

She is prettier, skinnier, cuter, taller, and everything else that I wasn't. So was I a substitute from the start? It feels like a dream. Am I starting to wake up from this dream? I'm so selfish, i know. And I'm a mean bitch because I like to treat people the way they treat me. But I don't know why I can't treat you they way you treat me. God, why are you making fun of me? :( Is this all fated? Okay I shouldn't try so hard anymore. And I must stop letting all these affect me so much. Jealousy kills but I'll have to live with it. You're not mine what, I can't be so possessive. Funny how you can make me hate you so much yet love you so much.

Never knew.

2011-07-19T23:26:00.002+08:00

I think love is stupid. It controls you. Somehow. It controls your brain from thinking maths problems and it controls your heart. It's okay to let it control you. Just make sure it's worth going through all the insecurities and shit for that person.

"I don't tell people things because I feel like no one would even come close to understanding how I feel."

I so love this sentence. It's so true. Nobody truly understand how you feel. All the stress, insecurities, love, anger, sadness, mixed feelings. Sometimes you feel all these shits in life and you just got to tell someone to let it out right? And people hate you for that. I know I might be very AA on Twitter sometimes when I post things like "I feel so sad." Who knows some of my followers might be thinking "Walao sad then sad la, post here for what." I think it's fine to post those stuff but not to the extent where you post things like "I'm slashing my wrist right now...it hurts so fucking bad." That is too AA. :D But cmon, who doesn't like attention? Well I do. I admit I like attention because it makes me feel loved and secure.

I think I'm a bitch sometimes.

Because it's like I can treat people the way I don't want people to treat me. Sorry.

I think I'm a bad daughter, sister, student, senior, friend. :(

My friends birthday and I didn't even do anything for them. If it was my birthday and they didn't do anything for me I would be so hurt. I'm sorry, I wish I could do something. At least a birthday card, but I just don't have the mood to do it. I suck, i know. I just feel so fucked up now okay. I feel super duper insecure now. I feel like some people hate me. Yeah, you.

You.

I have so many things to say but I can't put them into words.

Zodiac Facts: An #Aries hates to be kept waiting.

SO TRUE LOL. Sorry if this is random. But I think these stuff damn accurate.

Okay goodnight byebye.

It seems so pointless now! :)

Give me a chance to love you.

I'll tell you the only reason why.

Cause you're on my mind.

The moment we met, I never knew yet,

That I was looking at a face I never forget.

Can't get you off my mind.

2011-07-13T23:06:00.000+08:00

I choose you over sleep. Though I sleep in almost every lesson and I feel so freaking tired everyday, I would still choose to talk to you. Cheesy but it's true! :)

I just can't get you out of my mind. No matter how much I wanted to. It's like, even in school I would still think of you. Even when doing a test or a Maths sum. Or even in band. A part of my brain will still be thinking of you. Omgosh Im so cheesyyyyyy hahahah okay I shall stop. Cause' I think I'm starting to annoy the people around me with stuff about you!

Oh, today was a good day and a bad day. A good day cause there's band and Mr G finally came down after missing practice with us for 2 weeks. He's always so inspiring. Since when is he not? Anyway, he told us so many things and about some upcoming events too. I'm so excited teehee!! And I love my new reed. Finally, changed one after so long. Although my old reed is still clean. Hey, I maintain it well okay. :) There's band photo taking on Friday! Yay! And drills!

Okay today's a bad day cause I couldn't receive ANY msg from anybody since this morning. I was thinking to myself "wow i didnt msg anyone today. How some nobody msg me? :(" And yknow me, I usually won't start the conversations with people first cause' I'm afraid I'll annoy them. So yeah then I realised my INBOX WAS FULL. I didnt know iPhone's inbox can be full.. But yeah, I didn't delete my messages since the first day i got my phone LOL. And I deleted them. (except for convs I had with impt people ^^)

For a moment i thought there's a problem with my phone and that I couldn't receive msges from people anymore, like forever. And I was so worried!! Like how am I gonna survive without messaging people. Okay i know i sound so stupid here but srsly, whats the point of a phone if you cant message? I know there's such thing as call and WhatsApp but calling uses up so much money and WhatsApp, not everybody have right? So yeah I was so scared at that moment.

Actually sometimes I think I'm biased to the people I sms. You can easily tell if I want to continue talking to you or not. If I don't I'll probably type things like "Yeah haha." or "Lol ya." And my lol will be just lol. Not LOL. But for people whom I really like talking to and want to continue talking to them I'll put the effort to type LOL and HAHA. Instead of lol and haha. And I'll add alot of smileys. :D I won't give short replies! So yup I think I'm biased. Or is everyone the same? :D Sometimes I receive a message from people and I'm too lazy to reply I'll just open the message and leave it there till I feel like replying. :b But there's some people who I'll always reply, like immediately!! :) No matter how busy I am, how inconvenient I am, or how tired I am, I will still reply. Because your messages always make me smile and make my heart skip a beat! You can totally change my mood for the day. (Shit I think I'm getting too obsessed.) Yeah you BETTER be honoured okay.

Goodnight, I'm gonna sleep already! :)

You always make me worry and make me feel insecure.

Greatest things of my life.

2011-07-08T22:56:00.001+08:00

There are so many things going through my mind right now. I don't even know where to start. There's band today and as usual the Sec3s always stay back to talk. :) I love talking to my bandmates after every practice. We would wait for the majors to lock the bandroom, slowly make our way out of school by walking out of the main gate. Sometimes going to compasspoint to eat snacks because we wanted to continue talking. I love all these small talks I have with my bandmates. Especially my batchmates. I never regretted joining band. Band taught me so many things. I'm sure band taught you guys alot of things that even your teachers or the school won't teach us right? :) Oh not forgetting about the seniors. I love the Sec4s. I love all the seniors. They are the pillars of the band during the SYF period. It was them who taught us how to improve our playing skills. It was them who teached us theory when we were Sec1. Remember? :) When we were Sec1, every band practice was doing theory papers in the canteen. I remember how we would cheat. :X It was fun cheating together. We were so united. :) I miss those times.

Looking at these pictures with the band members make me remember all the times we had together. All the hardship, all the late night and morning practices during the SYF period. All the fun we had in KL, all the sadness and happiness we shared. And not forgetting band camp. Do you guys remember? :)

After just now's talk with other Sec3 members I realised that our band is starting to fall apart. :( We weren't as united as we used to be. So many problems arising within the band, within each section and within our batch. Yeah I'm suppose Rachel is right. The Sec3 batch is the most hypocrite batch among the band. Yeah sometimes I do feel like I'm a two-faced bitch. Because I would tell people things like "No la, nevermind. :)" But actually I mind. I just don't want to hurt their feelings. I don't know if i should tell them straight in their face about their problems, about what I dislike about them. But if I do I'll feel like a complete bitch. And our batch always talk about each other behind our backs. There's this barrier (like what Valerie Chan said) within us and our juniors. And even within our own batch. Yeah I don't deny that I dislike some people in my batch sometimes. I'm so sorry if I'm such a evil and mean person. I realised I such a two-faced person. :( I would act nice in front of the person I hate but behind their backs I would tell people how much I hate them. But this isn't this a mature act? I mean, not like in primary school we would just say "I don't want to friend you." It's totally different in secondary school. Now that we're more mature, we think more. And even if we hate someone we wouldn't tell them right? It isn't nice to tell someone you hate them too. So why not just pretend to be nice in front of them? But that's a bitchy act right? (Okay I don't know what I'm typing now lol.)

Okay the point is, I really love band. And I love my batchmates. I love my section. I love everyone who loves me. :) I want to say:

I love you Marilyn Song. (I don't know why you're the first name that popped out in my head!)

I love you Jolene Foo, thought you always talk about him!

I love you Weilin, don't feel disgusted by me. :(

I love you YuFang, I want to talk to you more.

I love you SiowBin, don't feel like you're not good enough.

I love you Jasmine Wong, thanks for being so nice to me (even though I can be a complete bitch sometimes, I'm sorry.)

I love you Valerie Chan, you're an awesome person, i can't use words to explain.

I love you Daphne Toa, jiayous with Bari Sax. :)

I love you Rachel Lim, don't ever feel inferior!!

I love you Hui Ngoh, you're too kind to people. :(

(Did i miss anyone? I hope not.)

Thanks for being there for me! I don't know how you can stand my bitchyness but thankyou. :) I love you guys! (insert many hearts)

Presentation Night.

2011-07-07T23:22:00.002+08:00

HIHIHI. PRESENTATION NIGHT IS AWESOME!! v^^v I was sooooo looking for ward to it since the start of school. And I couldn't really concentrate in class! Oh but yknow what, I have SSL with Miss Leow until 5pm whatheshit. She says until 4:45pm only in the end she made us memorise all the 6 polyatomic ions before we can go. Sucks, and I was the last. Cause in my mind was only "Shit presentation night. I'm gonna be late" And since I was the last, I had to lock the classroom and return the key to the General Office. Fucking hell I rannnnnn from school to Compass Point. Can you imagine how sweaty and sticky I felt?! :( Reached home and bathed in my superpower speed and tada I'm done by 6:15pm. Turned out I wasn't late. :) Met up with the rest and trained to Esplanade!!! :)

I really enjoyed the concert. :) Maris Stella was awesome! AMK was awesome too! :) I didn't forget about St Pats + Cat High. :D Vogel and Grease!! I love Grease. :) :) :) Oh, ACJC was freaking good! They have a hot conductor too. No, seriously haha! After that was intermission, went to find the St.Pats and Cat High people!! HEY ASHLEY ESTROP, CLARENCE TEO & JONATHAN SEET!! Must be honoured to receive a letter from me yeah? :b HAHAHA.

After intermission was the Choir's turn to perform. Alot of people left. :( Dunman Sec Choir was damn good. (: NCHS Choir too!!! :D GO PEIRONG!! HAHAHA. After the whole concert went to find PeiRong they all. (: Then yeah, went home after the long dayyyyyy. Sorry I know this post is a little boring. :/

Pictures time!

Shutup, i know i look fat here hahah!

I look retarded. Marilyn so glam! :)

Claire Lim. :)

v^^v.

Clarence Teo! Nice solo in Vogel. :)

I'm so tired already. :b Ohyeah, screw Maths test today man! :/ Anyway Im already prepared to fail. NC Talent Quest went well today. :) Viva la Vida rocks.

Bye, I love you! I wanna hear you call my name. :)

Don't let me go.

2011-06-28T23:29:00.000+08:00

Hi. I think I'm falling deeper for you everyday. Is that a good or bad thing? You give me butterflies and I am always thinking of you. Wait, you never even left my mind. :) No I'm not lying! I like it when people message me out of their own free will. But I like it even more if you message me first. But just so you know, you're the reason why I stay up so late at night and fall asleep in practically every lesson in school. But I think it's worth it. Or maybe not...since you don't do the same for me? Okay I don't know haha. Sometimes I hate you because you-should-know (if you're reading this lol) but then again you can make all the hate gone by just saying a simple "Hi!" And you affect me too much. More than I thought you will. I don't know. It's like you can make me super happy but when you stopped talking to me I felt kinda moody. It's like I didn't want to do anything, I felt sad, I felt angry. Weird huh? This obsession is getting too much, I need to stop letting you affect me!!! :( Do you get butterflies when you hear my name? :D What goes through your mind when you see my name? Do you wait for me to get online? Am I on your mind 24/7? Do you miss me? Do you randomly smile to yourself at the thought of me? Do you remember the smallest things that I said?

School was shitty. Why? It's only the 2nd day am I'm feeling like it's the last day of school already... I keep falling asleep in every lesson. Okay not every but most. Even during assembly. :/ K i need to stop sleeping so late everyday. So today, I'm gonna sleep after I post this!! :) Not gonna wait anymore for something that won't happen. :/ You know, it's times like this that I felt angry + sad. MATHS TEST ON THURSDAY!! MODULUS FUNCTION!! Okay, study hard and pass this test!! Then Tuesday can go Presentation Night. :) So excitedddddd!! Thankfully school starts at 8:40am every Wednesday. Fffffff, Mass PE tomorrow. :(

Rolling in the deep.

2011-06-25T22:44:00.001+08:00

Omgosh, I can't stop reblogging X-Men: First Class!

I love Lucas Till. :D Right, Marilyn??!?

Anywayyyy, I'm so not looking forward to school. :( I haven finish my homework!! But at least I managed to do some this morning. :) And I bought a dress today, cannot resistttt. :X

Yesterday was freaking awesome!

Woke up @ 6am to bathe and went to meet Valerie Chan, Jasmine Wong, Marilyn, Daphne, Yufang, HuiNgoh, SiowBin to go St Pats. :) (Did I forget anyone?)

Trained to Paya Lebar and took bus!! We missed the earlier stop and we had to walk.. :( So we reached there about 8+? Yeah then heard them practicing from outside the school. Shiok man! Then went to the hall to watch them start practicing after Mr G came. But there were teachers in the hall having phototaking session. D: Waited for them until around 9:45am before they can practice! Then yeah, hear them play Vogel. :) :) :) I think Mr G is on the verge of exploding during the practice. ._. Then we had to leave at 11:15am to go back school. D: I didn't want to leave but, ... got band!

Went to Anchor Point to eat!! Then rushed back to school!! Freaking tired I tell you! HAHAH. Like amazing race, keep chiong here chiong there. And yeah we were late for band. D: Had to do punishment. Had sectionals and yeah, played games after that!! Stupid Jasmine Wong, catch me uh!!! But nevermind, Clarinet section won a game (Thanks to juniors) and we can make any section do forfeit!!! We had our revenge on Saxo + Flute! Wahhaha, made the roll on the floor and say "I love NCWO!" after every roll. And do 3 jumpingjacks. :D After playing feeling damn sweaty!! But yeah, the sweat kinda evaporated and we were running late for the concert so we just changed in the band room LOL. But hey, I don't stink okay. :D Then once again, we rushed to SCH!! After that ate a little at Compass Point. Saw Patrick Foo at SCH. :o And we sat behind them. (coincidentally) haha! Shall not comment anything about the band. They played Baby though, haha!!! After concert went to say hi to Mr Lum. :) Then talked to Patrick Foo and other Clarinetist which I don't know their names. :o Trained home after the longgggg and tiring day. :) Coming up next: Presentation Night!!!!! :) WHEEEEEEEEE. :)

Oh, Jasmine Wong, I still haven revenge for what you did to me okay!!! D:

Nice guys finish last.

2011-06-21T14:21:00.003+08:00

Nice guys finish last that's why I'll treat you like trash.

I should've know.

Did I do anything wrong?

Do you love yourself?

2011-06-20T22:51:00.000+08:00

I wish this happens to me omg haha. :)

Anyway, today is such a boring day for me. D: Nobody to go out with. I woke up and ate breakfast at 12!! HAHA. And I did some Maths. I suck at congruency and similarity!! After that went for my dental appointment. :) Me (right) and Raymond's (left) rainbow braces!! Eh Raymond are you reading my post? You better be!! You must be honoured right?! Oh and I saw this nchs guy doing flag day @ 313. :o Nchs got flag day meh?!!? I want! :(

Yes this is gonna be a boring post.

Today when I woke up, I looked at the time and it's only 8am+ and I went back to sleep. Wonder if I can ever do this again any time soon since school is gonna start. Suckshitz, I don't want school to resume.. I'm still in my holiday mood. It's the last week already and I didn't even complete half of my homework. I'm forever procrastinating. I hate my laziness!!!!!! >:( Haha I still remember before the holiday I told myself I was gonna go to gym weekly and revise weekly. Now, holidays are gonna be over and did I even went to the gym/revise my work one? No. Actions speak louder than words. Hias, I hate how I would tell myself stuff like "Omg I'm gonna save $$ for that _____" or "I'm gonna work hard for ____" but I never really do it. It's like you know, when I got back my horrible terrible vegetable midyear results I told myself "Okay I'm gonna work hard from now on!!!!" but look at me now. I'm still stuck at the same spot. While everyone else is mugging their ass off to clear their doubts this holiday. Ughh, really hate myself sometimes.

Another thing,

I think I'm fugly. Seriously. I hate my fat face. My fat cheeks. They suck. make me look fat. I hate my legs. I want a small waist. I hate my small feet. And I really have a small feet you know. My feet size is Cotton On size 36 and Converse size 4. :/ Small much? I hate my arms too. I don't like my nose. I want sexier lips. Sometimes I really wanna go for plastic surgery! But then again, I am who I am! God made me the way I am now. I am special. So yeah, why go for plastic surgery to look like a barbie doll? If you love me, thankyou. If you dislike me, I'm sorry I don't live to please you. Everytime I go out I would look and envy all the skinny girls. Thinking to myself "Why am I not like that?" This feeling sucks. Where you can only envy people from afar. But I can't help it! When you're skinny anything you wear looks good! If only fats can be donated. If only mosquito suck fats! I used to be really skinny in Secondary 1. But in Secondary 2 I started to get fat... I don't know why. Maybe because when I go to Sec school I start eating out more often. Food like Macdonald, KFC, LongJohnSilver. :/ But I really love eating!! Who doesn't? :( When I was that skinny, I always wished I was a little fatter. So people would stop commenting on how skinny I was. My grandparents and relatives always say things like "Clare you so skinny!" or "Eat more, you need to put on weight!" And I got really annoyed. But now that I'm fatter they started to say things like "Woah you got fatter." or "Eh now you fatter than your sister." Wts, I skinny you all say me, I fat you all say me. What you want?! My height also want to say. "Omg you sister almost as tall as you." Like hello, height is not based on age! :( I'm sorry if I'm short or fat or ugly or skinny (fat hope) or stupid or annoying. I'm sorry but I can't change me.

Okay I'm done here. I think I should go do some Maths.

Toodles!! :)

P/S: Jonny, I wanted to dedicate a paragraph to you but as I was typing a whole chunk just now my computer suddenly went back to the previous post and everything I typed was gone!! :( Sorry, I'll do it another time! :(

Second option.

2011-06-18T20:27:00.001+08:00

Go talk to your other girls la. Don't come find me. Everytime like this one leh. Oh right, a leopard will never change it's spots. Sorry I expected too much from you. LOL i was naive. She's always a nicer and better person to talk to. Ya okay.

Hey you.

I know you love me alot but you don't have to copy me to that extent you know? Some originality from you would be appreciated. :/

Mermaids.

2011-06-18T04:00:00.000+08:00

Hello it's 3:50am now and I'm not asleep!! HAHA.

Anyway, I'm kinda bored so I shall blog! :)

Monday went to queensway to make Clarinet tee with Marilyn, Weilin, Jolene, YuFang and ClaireLim. After that ate at IKEA!!! :)

Tuesday, went to do project!!

Wednesday, went Orchard with Clarence haha. Watched Pirates Of The Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides!!! Freaking awesome la the mermaids. Which explains the title of this post haha! I wanna be a mermaid real badly now. :(

Tursday, slept at home. :D

Friday, went Bugis with Marilyn, Weilin, Jolene and YuFang!!! :) Wanted to do a little shopping but end up only I buy again. :( I bought a freaking cool shirt okay! And watched X-men: First Class!!!! Another awesome movie. :) After that went to Starbucks and yeah... I don't wanna elaborate what happened. :(

Okay I very tired now I wanna go sleep!! :) HAHA, some pictures!! :)

Goodnight!!! xoxo. :D (omg that's so not me.)

I expect too much from you.

2011-06-15T00:41:00.002+08:00

You left my life already? Please come back.

I realise all of my post are kinda related to you. I'm sorry if I did something wrong. Can you talk to me again? I miss our conversations. I don't want to start a conversation because I know you're busy and I don't want to feel annoying... You're making it so hard for me to be your friend right now. :( I like you more than a friend. But I don't know what it is...

Yknow actually I'm very desperate for you to talk to me but hahah, i'm trying not to show it.

"You talk to me with words but I look at your with feelings."

Anyway, can anyone help me do a survey? For Maths project. Plsplspls.

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/LHC8Y6P

I'll love you to bits. :)

The story of us.

2011-06-13T21:39:00.002+08:00

Hey I miss you. I really do. Don't ignore me please? Don't dao me. I hate it when people don't reply me. But I know there isn't anything I can do to make you reply me. If you think that I'm annoying you then I'm sorry. I will stop trying. It ends here. I don't know how long I can last not talking to you. But I'll try. Because no matter how much effort I put in you don't seem to care. It's always me. And I am a girl. So why must the girl always talk first? If you don't talk to me first then fine, we don't talk for the day. :) I know I'm a bitch. I admit it. Sometimes I open messages, read it and close my phone. And I reply only if I felt like replying. Sorry to those people which I did this to. Haha but that's me. And I don't reply people if I'm outside w/ friends or if I'm busy. But you? I always reply you. You tell me when I never reply you? No matter how busy or how i don't feel like talking to anyone, I will always reply you. But it doesn't seem like that case for you. Don't know why I treat you so nice when you treat me like bullshit la. Sorry, I very sensitive one. I don't usually start conversations with people first. So you're lucky. But you didn't treasure our conversations I guess. Too bad, you just blew your chance away because you dao-ed me today again. Everytime you dao me I can feel my heart sinking. I really do. I don't want to try so hard already. Because everytime I try you'll just throw my efforts into the dustbin. I think you only talk to me when you have no one else right? K i get it. I don't mean that much to you like how much you mean to me. I know that's your personality but sometimes I really don't know if you did it on purpose or what. I don't want to lose you as a friend. I know I can't have you more than a friend. I hope everytime between us stays the same, as friends. If not I hope it gets better. I know you're really busy but yeah, I'm starting to become as cold as you. You treat me like this, I'll treat you back the same. That's me. So I might appear cold to you, but it's cause i want to see if you'll break down these walls. But you don't seem to be doing anything. :( You can make me damn happy but you can also make my heart sink. It's like you give me butterflies and all but you're also the one who crashes my hopes. Are you just giving me false hopes? Do you know I'm referring to you? Do you even read my blog? I think there's already another girl in your heart. Fml why am I always late? EVERYTIME. Ugh. Will you just fucking talk to me? Will die meh? :(

Inferior.

2011-06-07T15:54:00.000+08:00

I realised I'm a very fragile person. I am paranoid. I always think that people hate/dislike me. I always feel unloved. I always take how people look at me seriously. I mind alot about other people's opinions. Low self-esteem I guess? I am always trying to make everyone like me. I mean, nobody wants anyone to hate them right? I'm just trying to please everyone. Am I a coward? You might think that I'm a scaredy-cat because I don't dare to be myself, just myself. Who I really am. But then again, I guess I was just insecure. Which is why I always tell myself it's okay to fall in love and look at hot guys but don't get into a relationship. Even if I like someone and he likes me back, I dont think I will get into a relationship with him. Cause I will forever be feeling insecure. I always feel inferior too. I feel like I'm not good enough for certain people. And this is what I always tell myself when people leave me. I don't know what to express anymore. I get sad when people talk to me continuously for days then suddenly he/she just stops. :( It's very heatbreaking because you felt so close to someone but all of the sudden they just disappear and left you with the memories. I hate people leaving from me. But then again, I feel inferior and I'm always scared to start first conversations with people. So i can't really blame myself. That's why I'm always waiting for people to talk to me first. This way I won't feel annoying. So if I start a conversation with you, don't try to end it so fast okay? :( And I really get paranoid when people don't reply me all of the sudden. I mean, if it's something like they have nothing to reply then I understand. But I really dislike it when people don't reply me when I obviously gave them something to reply. I know they might be busy or they might forget to reply me but I really feel damn damn damn insecure when they don't reply me okay? :( That makes me even more scared to talk to them.. because I'm scared they'll find me annoying if I ask them stuff like "You there?" No matter how busy or how many people I'm smsing, I'll still reply that person. Unless I forgot to reply. But if I forgot to reply, just to let you know I didn't do it on purpose okay. But there's one special case: If I don't reply it might mean I find you damn annoying. :D

Another thing, I also realised I get awkward easily around people. 3 person is fine but if it was only me and another person whom I'm not really close to, I'll get really awkward. No self confidence? There are some people out there whom I might seem close to but the fact is if you put me alone with that person I'll still feel awkward. There are very few people I consider close. I know I'm very reserved. I don't seem like I am right? I might seem very friendly on the outside but the fact is i'm not. And I can say that I hide my feelings very well. Valerie Chan says that even if I'm sad or anygry I can still use a ':)' or 'lol' when talking to people. Is it true? Even I myself don't know! Guess I don't know myself that well.

I'm very scared to get close to people. I'm very scared to get into a relationship. What if one day they leave me with nothing but memories? Okay no one's gonna be with you forever till the end of your life right?
Okay byebye I'm gonna Maple after I bathe!
Follow me on Twitter!! @kelareluvz :)

What do I mean to you?

2011-06-07T01:01:00.000+08:00

I’m tired of people. When someone new walks into my life, I try to convince myself that they’re different but they turn out to be just like the rest of them. Breaking every fucking promise. Replacing me with someone better. Talking shit behind my back. Falling for those bullshit lines that make me think that I can actually trust them. Using me to get what they want. Then when they finally have it, they just leave me hanging until they need something again. They treat me like complete shit yet I would practically take a bullet for them in a heartbeat. Then when they realize how much they screwed up, they apologize and I forgive them. Sooner or later, the cycle repeats itself over and over again.
I just want to meet someone I can open up to without having to think twice about it. Someone that is capable of knocking down all the walls I put up since blocking people out is starting to become a natural habit of mine. And someone that appreciates me while they still have me. Yeah, it would be nice to meet someone like that for a change. Forever alone.
-Via tumblr.

I've been going out for the past few days! And I'm kinda broke now. :( I showed my parents my report book yesterday. My father said I was stupid. I know I am not as clever as you but is it necessary to insult me like that? I really have no motivation to study and I don't wanna retain.. I am not that kinda of person who is hardworking. I like to have fun and I am playful. :(

Anyway, I'm just gonna fill this whole post with pictures okay. Bear with it! :)

I love my section mates. :)

That day went to Stephanie's house to visit her! I confessed so much things to her. :) I love meeting up with old friends. Primary school best friend! :)

Sunday went to Beautiful Sunday concert!! :D Philyouth! At esplanade. :)

Today...went to Sengkang Riverside Park with clique. :)
It's was raining a little haha but it was fun. Like some nature trail!

At night went to drink Starbucks with Jasmine, Madeleine and PeiRong. :) I told them a secret hahahaha.
I waited damn long for the pictures to be uploaded rawr!! Okay gonna sleep now. Later got remedial!! :(

The feelings inside of you.

2011-05-31T22:37:00.003+08:00

UGHHH I WANT THE HEELS AND THE BROWN BAG!! Anyone know where to buy that kind of bag? :( Tell me and I'll love you to bits. :D

Late night talks where you confess everything.
I don't know how long can I keep this feeling inside of me anymore. :( I've NEVER told anyone about it. Everytime I wanna tell someone I get afraid. I'm afraid that my feelings will change. I'm afraid you would find out and avoid me. I'm afraid that things will go wrong and our friendship would be ruined. It sucks when I want to talk to you but I don't know what to talk about. I don't want to feel annoying to you. I'm so sorry I'm such a selfish person because I need you to start the conversation everytime. I'm just insecure; I don't want to feel desperate or annoying or anything. I want to talk to you because I like talking to you. Did I cross your mind these days?

Breakeven.

2011-05-30T01:22:00.004+08:00

Lol why am I feeling this way. Sometimes i really hate myself. I hate what I feel. I hate mixed feelings lah okay. I don't even know what the fuck to feel now. LOL You don't even care right? Sometimes I feel like nobody cares man. Why? I wish more people would show me more care. Ya I'm greedy. But don't tell me you don't like it when people show you some care and concern? A simple "How's your day?" would make me feel happy because at least this shows that someone cares about how is your day. Sometimes also feel really left out lah. I don't know what I mean to you. Wait, do I even mean anything to you? Have you ever thought who would even care if you post a new entry? Have you ever thought who would even read what you posted? Like srsly, you see my friends list in facebook 900+ but how many would actually take the effort and time to read my posts and talk to me? Hate it when I lose contact with people I really like; with people I really enjoy talking to. And I don't like starting the conversations first. Because I don't want to feel annoying. Yeah i am very paranoid. I don't want to feel like I'm a disturbance. So, i apologize. Eh fuck lah, I'm not even supposed to feel this way. Sorry I'm crapping here. See my tagboard also so dead. I delete sua? Nobody care also. I just feel.....alone. Don't you feel alone sometimes? Weird thing that happened to me just now. I felt my heart sinking. And I felt my heart....like being squashed. Like somebody was grabbing my heart and squeezing it. Do you feel like this before? Or am I the only one?

I am my hair.

2011-05-28T17:40:00.002+08:00

Ohmygawd I wish this happens to me. :(

Hellohello!! :)
It's been quite a while since I last posted right. :)
Been staying out late these days because band resumed! I love the new majors la, so responsible. :) Haha, and yes we got our report books back! My results suck, but the comments Mr Li gave was that I am diligent? Lawl, so not true.

Anyway, the last week of school was very slack. And boring, so boring that I slept so much in class! Every class did their Service Learning project. 3F sell nachos!! Haha, our sales abit fail. Keep having to go buy more chips cause there wasn't enough. 3D and 3E sell flowers. :) Roses! Damn pretty. I especially love the sunflower from 3D! :) Damn big and pretty. But i think my roses are on the verge of dying.. :(

Pictures from band bbq!! :)

Pictures from Cat High concert. :) I love my section mates. :)

So bored at home that I went to play maple just now!! Freaking coolz, but the new maps very confusing! And it's kinda laggy.. I want to try the new jobs soon! :) Got jaguar to ride on whaha.

Tomorrow going out with section mates again! :) So looking forward to our shopping and gossiping. :)
WeiLin, Marilyn, YuFang, Jolene! ♥

Empty heart.

2011-05-22T01:26:00.001+08:00

Just came back from the awesome band bbq. It was awesome. But I felt both happy and sad. It's like, mixed feelings. I always have mixed feelings. And I hate feeling like this. Had this confidential talk with Jasmine Wong, Gabriel and Joe. It was...scary. :( Jasmine Wong told us alot of things I didn't know. It somehow corrupted my mind. No don't think wrongly. It's just that, i didn't expect the world to be like that. Am I too naive? Maybe I haven seen the real world out there. But yeah, she told us things that made us damn ^$%@*^@*$#*@ especially Gabriel LOL. He got so 激动 (okay sorry idk how to express in english. :b) that he broke the styrofoam box, damn funny! Yeah then while we were having our talk, others also had their own h2h conversations.. And yeah, this is the part where I started to felt left out.

But I was thinking, maybe I was just sensitive? Am I thinking too much? Cause I tend to think the negative side of things. I'm not an optimistic person. I like it when people show me that they care. Instead of just telling me that they care. (Argh fuck my eye is damn pain now, cannot think properly! #justsayin haha) Yeah sometimes I just feel so alone. Yes we may have many friends, but who will actually be there for you when you need them? Someone who can lend you a listening ear to rant. Someone who would cheer you up and stand up for you even if the world is against you. Someone who would just sit beside you, enjoying the silence and each other's company. How many would actually do that for you? Sometimes I wonder who are my real friends. Yeah I know people come and go but I can't accept the fact that I'm actually drifting from my close ones. I don't like being replaced. I don't like people getting close to you. Yeah I know I'm selfish. I'm a bitch, I know. I know I suck. I know I don't care about your feelings. I know you need other friends too. But I can't help it. I'm sorry. I know my friends would leave me sooner or later. I mean, nobody will stay with you forever. One day you'll just find yourself alone again. That's why we should never get too close to somebody. Because when we do, we'll start to rely on them and they become a necessary in our life.

Guess you guys will never know how left out we felt. Probably you don't even give a damn i guess? Because now you guys got closer and you have each other. I understand that you don't need me anymore. Okay maybe i wasn't even important to start with. It sucks when I look at you guys talking happily without me. That you're doing fine without me. I hate it when I'm not included. And that I'm drifting from the people I treasure. Its okay, i have to get used to it. It'll start now...

Okay gotta go sleep naozsx. Eye frigging pain. My right eye is sore now. Fuck la, damn red. :( I think I wore my contacts too long already... Okay nevermind. I hope it'll recover by tomorrow morning!! Cause I have tuition.. :(

I don't know what to feel anymore.

2011-05-20T22:39:00.002+08:00

Clarinet combined section outing with St Andrews, St Patricks and Catholic High was a SUCCESS!! Freaking awesome x56623772754628!!!! :D
HAHA I love these people! *insert many hearts!*

Today NCHS had our annual cross country!! :) Haha I completed 3.4km leh!! Not bad right, I thought I couldn't do it. I felt like giving up halfway. But guess what. My motivation was WATER. Haha, I was telling this to myself "Faster finish this race then got water to drink already!!" And I did. :) Felt so healthy but sweaty after the race!! Everyone was sweaty and sticky and smelly. :( After we were dismissed, walked back to school from SengKang Riverside park with JasmineA, JasmineW, CherylOPR, CherylOSB, Serene. Wanted to take my Clarinet and file in my class but the door was locked cos the key was with Celine. Damn it then i was damn pissed cos we wasted our time walking back to school when we could've gone home to bathe!! Ugh okay then nevermind, went to CompassPoint to eat BurgerKingggg. Then chionged back home to bathe!!! I took 45mins to go home, bathe and go back to ComppassPoint!! Pro right. :)

Went for band. It feels great to step into the band room. The band room smell.. :) Mr G was there too. And he talked to us about what we're gonna do now that SYF is over. Do we continue to improve or do we maintain? Everytime he talk to band it's always very interesting. :) He talked about his son too and as always he would mention St Pats and the other 2 schools. Haha what Mr G says always make sense. He made me feel very motivated towards band. He said next week he's gonna bring 5 new pieces of different genres for us to try. :) OMG Im so excited hahah. But he mentioned another thing that made me worry. He said, in order to maintain the standard of the band, everyone must be putting in equal effort and everyone must be able to play their parts. And so, he's gonna conduct a test every 3 months.. :( And he said we have to put up a solo performance during our camp in December.. Omg im so scared. :( The test he said would include scales and stuff. And it would be graded. The grade will show our attitude towards band. Scales....wtf i'm starting to panic now. Need to practice really hardddddddd. But who will help me? Now that our seniors stepped down. They'll be too busy preparing for O levels. :( Omgawd im so worried. And I'm a senior now. But I don't feel like one? I don't feel capable enough to be helping my juniors.. Our section has 2 ex-band members and they're really good. One even came from a gold band. I feel inferior to be honest. I think she plays better than me you know... :/ I think i really suck. How to control my instrument better? Yes Im jealous. I want to be part of you guys. But I know Im not capable enough.

Life with band has resumed. I see more excitement in life now. :) Well something to look forward for tomorrow!! BAND BBQ!! :) Thankyou mr G for sponsoring us with $300 for this BBQ!! :) I can't wait to see you rollerblade tomorrow LOL. And I can't wait to play the bonding games our Sec 4 seniors planned. Oh there's cycling too! :)

That should be me.

2011-05-17T23:22:00.001+08:00

"I hate having a crush on someone.
You think about them a lot. Melt at their appearance. Wishing they can be yours but you know that that’s out of the question because it seems like they’re completely out of your league. Feeling like a complete stalker because you’re not even sure that they know you exist. And being jealous at whoever they’re talking to, flirts with, or are interested in."
-Via Tumblr

Sorry, sometimes I don't want to feel like I'm annoying you. x(
No, not you. Yes, it's you.

Always second never first.

2011-05-17T01:41:00.002+08:00

Reasons why I don’t like starting conversations first:

I feel annoying.
I feel like you might not want to talk.
I feel unwanted when you don’t reply.
It normally turns awkward and fades out.

-Via Tumblr

Hello.
I'm blogging again. :) Someone made me feel like blogging haha!

Okay yeah I was thinking... There's this person whom I recently became quite close with. Let's name this person A. And I'm happy to have this person as my friend. Someone whom i can confide in. Someone who would ask me to cheer up when I'm sad. Someone I can talk to on the phone without thinking twice about what I have to say. But then it struck me that I seem to be A's second option. I don't like the feeling of being a second option. I mean, it means me feel kinda unimportant.. And it seems like whenever this person come to talk to me, it's always about the same person. :( Let's name this person B. Whenever B makes A sad A would come and talk to me about B. I mean, at the start i think it's fine. A is just confiding in me. But then i realise everytime when B is talking to A, A would just...cast me aside? Haha. Then it's always about B, B, B and more B. It's not that I'm jealous. It's just that I think A only talks to me when B isn't there for A... I feel like a toy. But then again, A treats me very nice too. But B is just too fucking blind to see what A is doing. LOL Okay this paragraph is making no sense.

Anyway, time for some happy stuff!:)
Today went Nex with clique!! Met them for lunch at Cafe Cartel. Their service sucks man LOL. We call them they also never listen. :/ And the thing is it isn't very crowded there. :/ And we still wanna go Kbox after that one leh!! Walao can you imagine how impatient we got? LOL. In the end.....we didn't go Kbox. Because there wasn't a room. D: Damnit i was so looking forward to forgetting all my trouble temporarily and just sing.
But nevermind, we decided to watch a movie.....and we watched Thor!! :)
YEAH IT'S THE THUNDER HAMMER!!

One word: AWESOME.
HAHA, it's been ages since I last caught a movie. :)
Thor is really damn nice. If you haven't watch it, you should!! Thor has a hot body and mesmerizing sea blue eyes!! :) Omgosh I love his eyes man.. :) LOL but like always, I cried while watching Thor. T_T I know, dumb right.. Haha but it's kinda touching!! Can't blame me. :) Especially the part where Thor can't see Jane anymore... :( My friends didn't cry leh, only me. :( Haha PeiRong says I'm emotional. Am I? x)

Okay a picture speaks a thousand words!! So there you go, I'm gonna let the pictures speak!

Harhar I think I look so cute in the last phot. XD Don't you think so? Okay I shall not be bhb!! :D
Tomorrow is Clarinet section's combined outing with the 4 schools!! :D YAY SO EGGCITED HAHA OKAY IMMA SLEEP NOWWW. LATER TOMORROW NO ENERGY!!! GOING SENTOSA WHEEHOO. OKAYOKAY GOODNIGHT READERS ILOVEYOU XOXO. Muackszx HAHA. ♥♥♥♥

Follow your heart.

2011-05-16T03:15:00.002+08:00

Hi it's 3:15am and I want to say I love you. :)

I'm a little drunk and I need you now.

2011-05-14T23:52:00.003+08:00

We all have that someone...

Who we met unexpectedly.
Who we started seeing around.
Who we started to talk to little by little.
Who we started texting throughout the day.
Who we started to spend hours on the phone with.
Who we started to spend a lot of time with.
Who we started to slowly get to know.
Who we started to get close & attached to.
Who we eventually drifted from.

Hello!!! :D
Ohmygosh I'm finally posting after 64626472642 years!! :D
Because I'm a goodgirl studying for exams. :) Yeah I studied everyday till late at night and sometimes I wake up in the morning at 4:30 to study again :( But yknow what? Honestly everything that I studied only about 30%-40% goes into my brain.. :( Am i dumb or what?! And all these sleepless nights cause me to have pimples..fml and I think my face got one scar already lor. *&@&$&#@$*@
Haha and Ashley if you see this: Yeah I missed my ______. :( You damn clever LOL. Oh I linked you!

Hmm I think I screwed all the papers? :D Especially Geography LOL. Srsly don't know how do anything. Except for the essay I guess. ^^ Prepared to fail. :(

I really don't know what to blog. But I just wanna revive my blog. ^^ Yayyyyyyyyyyy. HAHA I'm insane. I'm just typing rubbish. So you can don't read my post already. :D Crappy post. :D

OH!!
I woke up at 10(wtf) cause i need to go to my cousin's birthday party!! HEHE. 1 year old.
THE CAKE DAMN BIG AND YUMMY OKAY HAHAHA. YUMMYZZ. :3 Don't you feel hungry?!

HAHA I like to camwhore. You got problemz?! :D

Oh, look at this funny picture of SiowBin!! :D Laugh like hell man. :D

HAHA After party I went Vivo to shop with cousin!! :D Damn shiok okkkkk. Forever 21. Pull and Bear. Topshop. ^^
Oh i bought this shirt which says "I love band boys" HAHAHA omg I know I damn epic. :)
Sorry I damn high nowwww. :D No school till Wednesday! But Wednesday morning got HomeBased Learning. :( need to wake up early for that shit. Thursday getting back results ohmyholymoley. Friday cross country. AHH GONNA DIE. :(
Anyway, hate people who last minute say cannot go out. Like wtf, people so looking forward you suddenly give excuses. And your excuses quite unbelievable. Go eat your shit. Damn sian for the next few dayzsx. Rot at home?

Okay goodbye!! Told you this post is crap. :D
Sucks when you have to pretend to like someone. Not referring to anyone in particular.

Insecurities?

2011-05-04T00:55:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 600TH POST! HEHE. :b

Ohyeah baby, it's reaching 1am and I'm still not asleep. :D I don't feel sleepy..somehow. Perhaps my body is already used to sleeping late. XD

Anyway, back to the topic of...insecurities.
Everyone has their own insecurities, right? You get them very often. Sometimes I would think to myself "Does she/he hate me?" or "Do I even matter to anyone?" Is this a sign of insecurity? I'm not sure. :\ Perhaps I tend to think too much when I'm alone.

(Wikipedia):
Insecurity - is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving of oneself to be vulnerable in some way.

I always feel insecure. I can't really trust anyone and I only trust myself. I guess. Sometimes I feel that I am a lousy friend, daughter, sister or even a student. And maybe that is why I don't want to go into a relationship. I know that I'll always feel inferior and I'm afraid of commitment. I'm not even sure if I can commit, hah. My whole life I've only had 2 boyfriends before. Oh i just told you my secret. HAHA. And it's all in primary school. Looking back I felt kinda stupid because we both just...get into a relationship without getting to know each other better? Which is why now before I get a boyfriend I must be super good friends with him first. :D

Okay sorry, I'm kinda getting out of point!!
But no, i don't go around boasting to people "I am rich" or anything just to feel more secure. It's a fact that I am rich. Okay kidding haha!! Not funny? :( Aye, i don't know how to express myself fully. I'm not good with words..and I can't really think well at this time. :( Shucks my brain is dying. I think i forgot all the SS stuff that I've memorised. Ohwell, I didn't memorise much anyway. :b

Oh, yesterday's paper was bullshit. :( Totally no inspiration. 5 questions to choose from, 3 argumentative. So as usual, we're left with 2 topics to write a narrative story. One was something like "Write about how you suffered a loss and how you cope with it." and the other "Wealth". I wrote Wealth and I think I'm so gonna fail because my story is no interesting at all. :( But I was very tired and I slept immediately after finishing my last word. :)

Sigh I hope today's paper would be better. Chinese, please let me pass okay! E Dictonary, don't die on me!! I'm counting on you. :( Argh after today, I can foresee sleepless nights. :D Tonight I don't have to sleep already. I would be busy memorising SS. :) So if you're awake and you want to chat, I'm 8 numbers away. >:)

HAHA OKAY GOODNIGHT PEOPLE. GOODLUCK FOR YOUR EXAMS! :b (Realised I like to use this emoticon alot)

OHYA. I was supposed to go for dental on the 10th but I got exams!! Ugh, so now must postpone till dont-know-when!! I'M SO GONNA GET THIS COLOURS NEXT. :b

May.

2011-05-02T00:19:00.000+08:00

I like talking to you. It’s like every time we do talk, I end up laugh or smiling. Even if we’re arguing or something, I probably could never take you seriously. You’re cute. The way you talk to me. How you laugh and just the way you are. It’s great, more like amazing. When I talk to you it’s like everything else doesn’t matter. Like I said, I like talking to you, I really do.
-Via tumblr.

Hey it's May already! Time really do flies. And soon, it'll be the End Of Year examinations again. :( Why so time past so fast? They say time pass fast only if we're enjoying. But, I not even enjoying.. :( Sometimes I really hate myself for procrastinating. But i really can't help it. Everytime I try to study, I end up sleeping.. Do i really lack that much sleep? Should I start sleeping before 11 these days? Haha to think I stay up late just to wake for you to talk to me first. Would you even talk to me first? No, i doubt so. You don't need me now, do you? :) haha I don't even know why I'm feeling this way. I shouldn't be. But I guess it's too late now, is it?

Sometimes when I wake up and I look into the mirror, I see myself and I wonder why am I so ugly? Would anyone even like me? No, i'm not saying this just to get comments like "No lah, you so pretty!!" Sometimes I just really feel ugly.. Don't you people feel that way before? And I am getting fat. No kidding. Well on the outside I might look normal but you don't know so just shut up okay. I know myself better than anyone. Looking back at my Sec1 photos, i look so fucking skinny I wish I could be like that again. :( When I used to be skinny, people keep commenting on how I need to gain more weight. And I really wanted to gain weight at that time. But now that I've gained too much weight, I want to lose weight. What an irony, isn't it? I rather be my old skinny self like how i used to be. :( How depressing.. Now even my parents and relatives say I've grown fatter. I'm really going to the gym soon!! Gonna make it a weekly thing. :)

Exams tomorrow. I don't feel the stress yet. Argh, wrong feeling. :( I want to get panicky. So that I would study.. But why do I feel so relaxed..? There're so many clever people in my class.. I feel so stupid. :( People getting full marks for class tests. Me? Haha I failed. When will I wake up from this dream?

May, please be good to me. :)

Faking smiles.

2011-04-28T23:47:00.000+08:00

How much am I worth to you now? Am I still having a very important place in your heart or are you just neglecting me all together? Does it still bother you I’m not okay or has your heart changed and my mood doesn’t affect you anymore? Or is it just me?

-viatumblr.

Harro, today had 2.4km run for napfa!!! My stamina suck. But people said it's all in the mind, your determination. Does this mean I have no motivation? Yeah actually I don't even know what's my motivation to study hearder, run faster or do anything. It seems like I have no motivation? How sad.

Amaths test, Emaths test, Geog test, I've been failing it all. What are you doing, Clare? I srsly need a wakeup call. I can't control myself. I tend to check Twitter and Facebook many times a day. And I get distracted easily. I always tell myself to study tonight, but when did I actually do it? None. I need to stop procrastinating. I'm thinking of deactivating my Facebook account for the time being!! But Jasmine says if it isn't activated within 2 weeks it will be deleted. ._.

Sometimes I just wish I can go back to being an innocent kid, having nothing to worry about. Sec 3 life is hell, so many tests everyweek. Yeah, I have poor time management. I wonder how I'm going to survive Sec 4 manz. Or would I even get promoted? :( I hope so.. Argh I have to start doing things that I need to do!! I have to differentiate my 'Needs' and 'Wants' asap. I'm gonna make a study timetable!! Oh that includes going to the gym down to run. :D Yes I need to lose some weight. Okay goodnight everyone, I wanna sleep before 12 tonight!! :) It's a new day tomorrow, Friday!

"Here we go again. I wanna be more than friends."

Give me hope.

2011-04-24T01:36:00.001+08:00

Hey if you're reading this, I miss talking to you.

Inhale love, exhale hate.

2011-04-18T12:21:00.004+08:00

Good morning, it's 12:06am!! :)
I'm tired, I want to sleep but I just feel like blogging.
I need a place to trash everything out.

Found this on Tumblr:
Boy: I miss you.
Girl: And so?
Boy: I really did.
Girl: K.
Boy: I'm sorry.
Girl: What for?
Boy: For ignoring your efforts to communicate with me.
Girl: Its OK. I got used to it, then I got tired, so I stopped trying and started forgetting.
Boy: I..
Boy: I...tried to forget about you, you see.
Girl: ....
Boy: Cause it tore me apart that we can never be...
Girl: its OK.
Boy: Why is it so OK?
Girl: I got used to days hoping you'd be back, but then you never did. I started facing reality, and started to get a move on.
Boy: Wait...am I too late?
Girl: Too late for what?
Boy: To court you?
Girl: You know, I've always wanted to hear that from you. Back then, a year ago. But...I got used to only wishing for it..then realized it would never happen, so I stopped hoping.
Boy: I'm really sorry, but dont worry, this time, I will make your wishes come true.
Girl: Its my turn to say sorry. Time got into me. You've broken my heart already. I cant risk experiencing that again. :/ Thank you anyway. For communicating with me after a year of silence.

Yeah I don't even know why I'm sitting here, alone in the night, waiting for you to talk to me first when everyone else in my house is sleeping. Haha I feel dumb. Okay maybe everything was just a dream. Perhaps one day I might wake up just to find that everything that happened was part of my dream. And I would have the chance to change things.

People can talk to you about everything under the sun and the next day they just act like they don't know you. :( How sad. Don't you hate it when you want to talk to someone so much, but you just don't know how to start the conversation? Saying just a simple "Hi" would be okay but wouldn't that leave the other person with nothing to say other than "Hi" back? And if you started a topic wouldn't you be afraid that the other person might find you annoying? Yeah that's why I hate talking to people first. I didn't want to feel annoying or unwanted. It's like, I'm trying too hard? I don't know.

Hey you.
Sometimes, it's not that I don't want to talk to you, but it's just that, you really leave me with nothing to reply. Realise I'm always the one trying to keep it going. Why am I trying to hard? That's why sometimes I just give up trying to think of a topic and I didn't bother. :) No I don't blame you.

This is specially for:
Jonny -

Hi Jonnyyyyy, I know you like reading my blog haha! So yeah, I'm gonna dedicate one more post to you!! Feel honored? :) Thanks for reading my blog anyway, I don't think anyone else other than you finds it interesting. My blog is like, dead ._. Maybe I'm just gonna lock it away. ^^ I'm sad that your parents took away your computer and phone!! :( Ugh, then cannot message you or anything. Unless you use other people's phone then we can talk through Twitter. I miss talking to you, faster get your phone back! Haha, this picture for you!! CutelikeaG6! :)

Owls.

2011-04-17T03:22:00.002+08:00

When you don't reply back...
Many things run through my mind.

What did I do?
Damn I fucked up
Did I scare you away?
Wow fuck my life
Fine, don’t talk to me anymore..
Why don’t you wana talk to me anymore?
I miss you so much..
Please talk to me again ..
Please reply back..
God, This sucks..
Am I annoying you?
Did i say something wrong?
Fuck this.

-Via Tumblr

Hello. Look at the time. It's fucking 3am in the morning and I'm still awake. Rawr, was trying to jailbreak but I guess it kinda failed and I have to restore everything. Now I know how troublesome it is to restore iphone back! But thank God I have all my apps and music and photos back!! :) Okay maybe I'm gonna try jailbreaking tomorrow again. Who knows? :)
Today was awesome shitz cause I woke up at 1pm and went shopping from 2:30pm to 6pm. :) I love Vivo!! :) And I love my owl and mustache necklaceee. Jealous? :P But why my father say my fashion is weird?! :( I'm just trying to be tumblr-ish. :(

I feel sad when you don't tell me about your problems. It makes me feel useless. Okay i know I ain't an interesting person and I can be boring at times but could you at least tell me when you're feeling upset? Though I can't do much but at least I be your listening ear right? Instead of like, having nothing to talk about. Is it you don't trust me? Or is it that you don't want me to worry? But I'd rather you trust me, tell me everything and I get worried instead of keeping everything to yourself and having nothing to talk about. Actually you do have things to tell me. It's just that you choose to bottle everything up. I don't know what I'm typing too. Yeah take it as I'm bullshitting. I'm going to sleep now, goodnight. :)

I miss our conversations. You're hot and cold.

I hate talking to people first, I feel awkward, annoying and unwanted.

Where is the motivation?

2011-04-14T00:27:00.001+08:00

Worst feelings in the world:
- Having a good night, and having it ruined with tears
- The feeling like you're all alone, like you’re lost
- Having to look at the face of the person you love, knowing they won't love you
- When someone tells you they don't feel the same
- Crying so much you cry yourself to sleep
- The feeling of anger twards yourself, and him
- The feeling of being forgot, unwanted, not good enough
(Credits to Tumblr.)

Life's pretty screwed these days. :(
I just had an Emaths and Chemistry test this week!! So gonna fail Emaths test!! hopefully I can pass Chem. :D
I love band more and moreee. Okay let's put it this way: Ever since this year, I'm starting to appreciate and enjoy band more. It's not that last year I don't. It's just that, perhaps this is the year of SYF. SYF was really a once in a lifetime experience. Okay at least for me. This might be my first and last SYF. I'm not even sure if I wanna join performing arts in JC/poly. I wanna try sports!! :) Okay kiddingz haha.

After SYF, i feel kinda...empty perhaps? I don't know. It's like, I have nothing to look forward to in life anymore. No more interesting events. Hate this feeling. :( Though SYF is over but I still reach home at 8, 9plus and I sleep at around 1. And I always sleep in class!! Especially during Physics, English and Geography. ._. English is...almost everyone sleeps during Mr Lee's lesson okay. ^^

I have so much I want to blog. But i don't know how to type it all out. Yknow, some things just can't be expressed out through words. But yeah, quite a number of things happened. Ohwell, i think I'm gonna sleep soon. :)
Goodnight peeps! :D

Oh, I love "The Singapore Flyer"!! :)

Time flies.

2011-04-06T23:47:00.000+08:00

Time flies so fast. Don't you agree? One moment it's band camp then KL trip. And now in a blink of an eye, it's about 1 day to my SYF. My first and probably last SYF in my life I guess? I don't know. I've never taken part in SYF in my primary school. Cause i wasn't in performing arts. I really hope for the band to do well. :D I believe we will! We will just have fun on the stage. :) Like what Mr G said, don't care about the medal!! :) Be prepared to fail, then all fears will leave you.

Today's practice was damn awesome. I'm loving band more everyday. In class I feel so sian and all I do is sleep. The only thing I'm excited for is band. :D Before and after school: band. :D A great way to start and end the day. It makes me happy. I love NCWO. Mr G was happy with our playing today. I can feel that everyone was happy too. :) Sigh. A part of me wants SYF to be over soon and a part of me doesn't. Today when Gerald, Gabriel and Jazin was talking to the band, my eyes was teary. :'( Jazin said something like "Don't forget. It was your seniors who taught you how to play your instruments." At that moment tears welled up in my eyes. But i managed to make them go away! :) Yeah then when we were dismissed, I walked pass Gabriel. I looked at him. Then all the memories we had flashed in my mind. All the fun, all the dumb things we did. Haunted house, heartbeat practices, all the pranks I did to Gab...so many things! Then I just cried. I'm so gonna miss all the seniors. :( Tomorrow will be the last official practice for SYF members.. Time really flies.

Hey seniors, I love all of you. ♡ :')
Friday will be our best performance, let's enjoy our last performance together. :D

Goodbyes.

2011-03-31T23:49:00.001+08:00

I'm having so many mixed feelings right now.
I'm feeling so stressed over syf and studies. Mr Glosz said 2nd Clarinets don't dare to play out during performances. Which is true. Why am I so afraid of playing out loud in public? I join band knowing that I have to perform in front of many people. But why am I still scared of playing out loud? When he told us that, i felt my heart sinking. Srsly dont know what am i thinking. Why I so humji? Screw myself man.

When they seniors leave, I'm so gonna miss all of em. Evey single one of them. :( I can't imagine NCWO without the Sec4 batch.. I'll miss the awesome memories we had together. Those tears and laughter. Do you guys remember? We went through so much together. KL trip, band camp. That night during the KP trip when we performed, we all cried. I felt really close to the band at that time. I don't know how we will manage without them.. I'm gonna miss all the seniors. Especially you, Claire Lim.

And Mr Tan Yee Kan, since you became our new principal this year, you changed many things. Our school cultures. You removed the Poultry Delights store. And then it was the cca problems. Why you want to merge ccas together? Like Chinese dance and International dance? If they cant get gold you make them merge? Why do you like to bring misery to people's life? You wanted to disband CO if they didnt get a gold. Can you imagine how sad they will be when their cca get disbanded?! And then String Orchestra and Wind Orchestra. If string cannot get gold you want us to merge?! Fuckyou man. I'm really starting to hate you. "Don't come screw my cca." -Cheryl OSB.

And you, i really don't know what you want. Everytime I tried to talk to you or start a conversation, you killed the conv. Is it really that hard trying to be friends with you? I hate it when people don't reply me. :(

(Edit):
Hi Jonny. :D This is for you only! Be honored! Cheerup okay, don't be sadboy1996. You so cute! HAHA, I can imagine you crying. Anyway, you're a great friend! A cute one! We should meet up sooooooon. To study. :D Thanks for cheering me when I'm sad too! I can be your listening ear in future haha. I never regretted knowing you, thanks for everything! Be a happyboy1996! :) Like a G6!

A faithful friend is the medicine of life.

2011-03-25T00:30:00.002+08:00

Hello. I'm back from KL trip!! 6 Days 5 Nights was really tiring but it was worth it. :D It was so much fun though we practiced until night. My lips are still hurting, can you believe it!! >:( Hias.
Thanks Mr Glosz for giving us this opportunity to go overseas for more experience. :D After today's playing I think we really improved alot!! I see hope. :D

Okay I'll just let the pictures do the talking la. :P

NCWO!! :D

Clarinet section! :D

NCWO SEC 3 BATCH! :D

I so unglam HAHA.

St.Pats, St.Andrew, Cat High, NCHS Clarinet Section! :D

NCHS and St.Pats Clarinet Section! :D

Sorry I'm too lazy to post anymore. :P Shall post another day!!

It's always you.

2011-03-15T00:07:00.000+08:00

Hello all my readers and stalkers. :P
I know you guys stalk me, don't you? Nah c'mon, don't deny!! :)
Okay, last post before I leave for KL!! :( 6 days. I'll be back on Sunday evening. Anything can sms me or post on my facebook wall!! :B But I'll only see it when I return haha. Don't miss me too much yeah? I know you love me. :B

Okay meanwhileeeeeee,
if you miss me you can stare at my pictures HAHA!!

OKAYOKAY THE SAVE THE BEST PICTURE FOR THE LAST.
TADA. :D I LOOK SO KEWT WHEN I'M SERIOUS RIGHT!!!!! :B Okay I'm kidding lah ahha.

I hope after this trip the band will improve!! :) Last hiong practice already!! Chiong ah. :D
P/S: RAYMOND!! IDK IF YOU WILL SEE THIS HAHA. But, don't be lonelyboy1996 okay!!! :D REMEMBER WHAT YOU NEED TO DO. :D

If you ever love somebody put your hands up.

2011-03-12T23:55:00.002+08:00

When you burst out crying alone in your room, and you realize that no one truly knows how unhappy you are because you don’t want anyone to know.

I expected, because you made a promise.
Where did all my hopes go to? I feel so cheated once again. I feel like god is making fun of me because everything that I do these days doesn't seem to go right. I know I shouldn't be here complaining about my life when people in Japan are struggling to survive. I just don't know what to feel anymore.

Have you ever been in this situation where you don't know what to do? No wonder you stopped smsing me. I see. You got back with her. Yes, shes better than me in every way. I'm sure she's cuter, prettier, and everything else that I wasn't. I should've seen this coming right? I already knew you liked someone else and yet I'm giving myself false hopes. I tried to make myself believe that you might still have feelings for me. I guess I was wrong? Maybe I should stop feeling so sad already. I should stop trying to hard because I know you'll never come back for me. Why must you do this to me everytime before some major event? Today was actually such a great start but now I totally lost the mood for the band KL trip.

You, are the person who made me forget him after so long. I have a crush on his for 1 year and you're the one who made me gave up for me. Your words touched me and I find myself falling for you. Do you know the feeling I get when I catch you looking at me? It feels.....great because you know that someone is out there watching you. :) And it's not only just once. I tried to stop myself from stealing glances at you but I would fail everytime. But now I wish you would just stop looking at me in class so that my thoughts won't run wild and I will stop having false hopes. Maybe that'll make me give up easier. :) Pictures of you, pictures of me, I keep picturing us together.

I'm just a substitution to you when she isn't there for you. Now that she's back for you, I guess you won't need me anymore. :) You wouldn't even tell me about it. I expected too much. Expectations lead to disappointments. I guess you'll never know how I truly feel. I don't know when I'll stop having feelings for you. Now I can only watch you from afar. I wish you all the best.

Because when you're fifteen, somebody tells you they love you, you gotta believe them.

Hongsters never die.

2011-03-09T23:23:00.000+08:00

I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling now. Words can't express. I just.. don't know what to do anymore. I can't trust any more guys. You fucking lied to me. You said you would wait even if there're other single pretty girls out there. Yet now we're crushing on another girl. Fuck you seriously. You made me fall for you then you ran away and pretend nothing happened. Oh but you don't even know that I have feelings for you right? I don't know why but you're slowly filling up the spaces in my heart. You made me got over MJ. This has been on my mind for a few days. Perhaps I was too used to liking MJ. It's been almost a year. But now I'm certain that I don't feel anything for MJ already. But why did I have to fucking fall for a hongster like you? All those sweet talks. All those words. Where did it go? It seemed like a dream. I fell for your trap. I knew right from the start you liked me only for my looks. I doubted you. But remember what you said? You said it was more than my looks. And I believed. And that's how I started to fall for you. I kept noticing you in class and in camp. Oh how stupid I was. I knew I was playing with fire yet I didn't stop. You cheated my feelings...
Despite what you did to me I still can't bring myself to hate you. Fuck it, I wish I could just transfer class so I wouldnt have to see you.

People change and feelings fade.

2011-03-06T15:57:00.008+08:00

"Take a chance. Because you never know how absolutely perfect something could turn out to be."

Hello, I'm finally back from camp. Actually I'm back yesterday but I'm too lazy to on computer. I'm amazed at how long I can survive without my computer. :)

Well, camp was great. :D Except for the bathing part. It was hellz. Everyone was queuing up to bathe and you have barely 5 mins to do so. The showering cubicle is like no door. Its just a showering curtain so the trainees threaten us to open it if we don't hurry. Imagine how panicky we got. T_T

And I was a good girl cos I surrendered my phone. ^^ It feels great to have it back!

But seriously, Sec 3 camp was a great experience. You'll realise that many people in your class are actually nice people. You'll realise that your class can actually be quite hyper together. You'll realise that your class is more awesome than you ever thought it was. You'll realise that you're very fortunate to have the toilet all to yourself to bathe for 20mins or so.
I love Sec 3 Leadership camp 2011. :D
Campfire night was awesome max x656284724. When I saw how awesome the other classes's dance was I felt so demoralised. But my trainees told 3F that we were the best and that we were already a winner in their hearts. I was so touched I teared. When It was our turn to perform, I just did my best even though I know we wouldn't stand a chance to win. :) And to my surprise, we actually won. When they announced 3F as top5 and being able to perform on sports day, all of us screamed for joy. I screamed my lungs out! :D And I was so happy I cried again haha! Okay I felt stupid. :D
I love the dragon boating, high elements, low elements, night&day hike and everything else. Dragon boat was fucking awesome even though we saw a floating bloated rat and a cockroach.. It was a great experience. Perhaps I would join dragon boating in jc/poly? :) During Sec 3 camp they kept emphasizing on teamwork, perseverance and sense of urgency. All the seniors were right. It was a memory I won't forget even after I graduate. It's a pity for those who gave it a miss. :) I'm so glad my period didn't come during the camp! :D

And during the camp I realised something else. I find myself keep noticing you. I wish I could get you out of my mind. I must stop this feeling from getting deeper. Yes, I only like MJ. :) And no one else.
Goodbye. :)

I love 3Four-Five and our class "pet" Shing. ♡♡♡

Why do I love you when you don't love me?

2011-02-22T21:12:00.002+08:00

THE ONLY REASON I DON’T RESPOND TRUTHFULLY WHEN SOMEONE ASKS ME WHAT’S WRONG IS BECAUSE I KNOW THAT MOST OF THE TIME PEOPLE DON’T CARE ABOUT MY PROBLEMS AND THEY JSUT WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON BECAUSE IT SATISFIES THEM TO KNOW EVERYTHING THAT GOES ON WITH EVERYONE.

How many days has it been since I last updated? :)

Sec 3 life is really screwed. So I failed my A and E maths, Physics too. My Chem barely passed. What the fuck am I doing everyday? It is because of band? If that's the case then my results should improve after SYF. But i dont think I will work hard even after SYF. I only actually feel sad when I failed by test because many other failed too. :) So I guess I kinda felt normal. :)

Hmm many other things happened this week. Well too many to list out! Class dance, common test, tikos in class... LOL k got this person in class always smile to himself..very scary!! I think Jasmine should know who I'm talking about. :)

I feel so free without band. But I kinda felt empty too. Because I'm used to going to band everyday after SSL. Hias, common test, please be over soon. Love, me. :)

I hope you guys like what I got for you for Valentine's. :)

Something bout love.

2011-02-12T23:18:00.004+08:00

Go ahead, text him first, he might be checking his phone, waiting for you. Stare into the eyes of the person you like and memorize the color. Turn on your ipod and run as far as you can. Say hi to a stranger. You never know what they’ll become for you. Have a mental health day – you know you need it. Don’t go on facebook for a day and see what you can accomplish. Give money to a charity, your good karma will come around eventually. Sneak out, you might get caught, but it’ll be 100% worth it. Tell that one person that you like them, what's the worst that can happen? He doesn't like you back. Then he doesn’t deserve you anyways, right? Treat yourself to something indulgent, you deserve it. Smile at a stranger, it could make their day. Wink, it’s sexy and makes you feel confident, after all, you are pretty hot. Go for somebody who is totally wrong for you, they may not be totally wrong after all. Stand up for yourself, because if you don’t, who will. Moral of the story is YOU ONLY FUCKING LIVE ONCE.

Hello. I finally took the time to blog. Sorry for my super dead blog! Ugh thanks to tests and band I was inactive! :) EMATHS AND CHEM TEST AND PHYSICS TESTWAS... :( Careless mistakes. EMATHS WAS ^$^@*$^@*$&. So fucking difficult. Mrs Ong ah. :(

Anywayyyyyyy many things happened since the last time I blogged. BBQ @ WeiLin's house was awesome. :) Love her camera!! Ouh and, Sec 3 camp we have to run 4km everyday. Hell or what? I think I'm gonna die during this camp LOL. Hope I get sick during camp! 4km don't playplay leh. :( I run 1km want to die already. When i come back you'll see a skinnier Clare (hopefully). :D

Tomorrow I'm going to SMU concert @ Singapore Conference Hall!! :D YAY. Almost whole band going! Band bonding. ^^

LOL You know what. I really dislike you. Why are you always against me? I ren you since last year already leh. Then starting of this year I thought okay liao. Then you start again. You always have mood swings. When you're happy, you come hyper with us and all these. Then when you buay song, you come kp and ignore us. Wtf you want? You no friends come find us. Got friends, forget about us. Are we just a substitution? And you like to insult things people like. Like Kpop. I like kpop then you'll say that the guys are gay etc. I mean, don't say it in front of me lah. I also never insult you right? Then you also always say my things very ah huey and obi cha cha. Actually I dont like your taste also but I never say you right? And you like to say people's crush also leh. I don't know lah. I have so many things to say. Then that day you suddenly come ask me about something. I really don't know whats going in your mind. You need me then you talk to me? Is this what friends are for? Oh i forget. We're not even friends anymore right? Now when I see you I just pretend I don't know you. To think that we were once so close.

A new year, a new start.

2011-02-04T01:57:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! :D
Did you guys have a great new year? I suppose almost everyone have the same kind of new year celebration. Visiting relatives, collecting angbaos, eating steamboat, eating cny goodies. :) OH PLAYING POKER OR BLACKJACK TOO! :D Hehe i love playing blackjack!! But since all my cousins are kinda young we have to bet like 20cents only. T_T Only can bet more money with my elder cousins. :D

Anyway! Collected 5 angbaos! My grandparents are so generous. They gave me $488 with old notes too. Aww thanks mama yeye. I love you ^^ I love the food my grandma cooks too. ^^ Thanks everyone who gave me angbao. ^^ I love cousins. :D Hehe tomorrow and Saturday might be going to friend's house. Okay not might. WILL be going. ^^ Ugh I still haven't start on my homework or revise for the 4 tests I have next week fml!! :( Hiassss, okay goodbye, have a Happy New Year!! RABBITS!! ^o^

LOL I love heels. They make me tall. ^^

Happiness.

2011-02-03T01:17:00.003+08:00

Hello!! Sorry my blog is so dead over the past week. :( Ugh I'm so tired I'm gonna sleep and we continue of Monday okay? :) Anyway today we went to eat Shabu Shabu and NEX!! We saw Marc but he didn't see us LOL. It's super full. :(
Then walked around and i bought a new pair of earrings!! :D

A picture speaks a thousand words so I'll let them do the talking! :D

Sorry for being such a lazy pig. :( HAPPY NEW YEAR!! :D

Run away.

2011-01-22T19:35:00.001+08:00

When I realize that I don’t mean as much to someone as they mean to me.

The moment when you hear something you really didn’t want to know and it feels as if your heart is literally breaking.

Im so sorry that my blog is so dead. I've been so busy these days. Sigh sec 3 life is really shitty. I regret not cherishing my Sec 1 and Sec 2 life. :( I miss 2D alot alot alot. The times where we would pwn all class decos. The time where we would disagree with each other about lots of things but still end up having fun together. The times when we practiced to hard for class dance and we got into the finals. We didn't win but we had fun and we bonded alot though there were conflicts along the way. Thanks for all the memories 2D. <3 I love everyone of you.

Monday - Saturday, band. Thursday - Science tuition. Sunday - Science and Maths tuition. And I'm gonna have SSL almost everyday next week. :(

Oh, health check up soon. I wish I won't have any backbone problems. Please? I'll be a good girl this year. :( I don't wanna go to hospital for checkup. I don't want to wear the backbone brace. Please. I'm so scared..

Picture perfect.

2011-01-15T22:55:00.000+08:00

"If I didn't have the fans, I probably wouldn't have came back."
-Jay Park

Ohmygoshz, sorry for the Jay park spazzing. :D HEHE.
Jay Park is so hot. :D I love all his tattoos! Jaywalkers yeah!

ANYWAYYYYY,
I bought a watch today! HEHE. I was in a dilemma!! I don't know if i should buy the Adidas watch or the Ellesse watch. :( In the end I bought the Ellesse watch!! :) $167 then got discount become $132!! THANKS DAD. :D

Uhhhhhh band was okay today!! :) Except that they dragged the time again boo. :( Our drills suck. T_T How ah. Chester & Vanessa get well soon!!

Gah, I actually wanted to do my homework today.. but I guess I didn't have the time.. I went to sleep after I came back from band! Ugh there's Maths and Chem tuition tomorrowwww. Busy Sec 3 life. This sucks. What to do? I have to face it. Singapore lifestyle.

Baibai sayonara!! I love Jay Park!

:)

2011-01-12T00:12:00.000+08:00

HBSMQJY. :) :)

I sacrificed my sleep for this!

Masks we wore.

2011-01-11T17:33:00.002+08:00

All those masks we wore everyday. I'm just lying to myself. Yeah I do hate you. Hate you for all the things you've done to me. Want me to list them all out? I'm done with you. I really am. I can't stand you any longer. Since last year, I felt like I don't know you anymore. You were nice at first but as time tells everything. Yes, I know you hate me as much as I hate you. We've grown up. When I was in primary school i don't talk to the person I dislike. The sight of you makes me uneasy already. Maybe you've been bitching about me behind my back. Go ahead. Karma.

Hey thar biatch. Can you stop copying me. ._. Have some originality. You don't like people to copy you right? Then why do you do that to people? I hate people like you. You claim that you dislike a certain thing and then you yourself do it. Like whathefuck is your problem. Stop ripping me can. Perhaps you do stalk me, its fine but please just don't copy me okay? Thanks.

School was fine these days. Chinese and English the slackiest periods.. Mr Francis Lee don't even bother teaching us anything. He just give us worksheets and that's it. 2 vocab/grammer worksheets for 2 periods. FuMing? He spent 2 perod going through the textbook stuff ._. And it's 2 pages only.. What I'm not looking forward most is 口语训练. This Friday ley wthz, i haven prepared a single shit. 2nd week of school and its 口语训练 already.. -_- Fml somemore now my Chinese class so big. I'm used to speaking to only 11 people.. :( 2D.. :(

I miss 2D and you.

Fragile

2011-01-09T22:35:00.000+08:00

HelloHello.
Busy weekend for me yeah.
Today went to search for my watch but I didn't find any that I like. :( Sigh.. Next week perhaps.
Oh i love Blogger. I know who stalks me... >:)

Tomorrow is gonna be hell...
I need to bring back my Maths tb almost everyday. No, I need to bring it home EVERYDAY for homework. T_T And I have to bring back both my Physics and Chemistry textbook back to school!! Imagine how heavy it will be. T_T Sigh sec 3 so sucky one. Now I know.

Oh I got a new radioooo pencilcase today! With someone! Hmmm. >:) HEHE.
BYEBYE. It's gonna be another week of hell!

Miracles.

2011-01-04T18:02:00.001+08:00

Things I need to do this 2011.

Never expect.
Never assume.
Stop making stupid decisions.
Move on and forget the past.
Focus on my studies.
Let go of the things that I should be really letting go.
Earn enough money by myself.
Refrain from answering back my parents.
Refrain from being insensitive towards the feelings of others.
Less regrets.
And lastly, find the person who I will and who will love me back.

-All credits to Tumblr.

First day of school and I feel like dying already. It's only 1 day. Imagine I have to go through all these hell for 300+ more days fml. -.- First day of school already got remedial what is this. -_- Anyway today is pretty much boring. Rules, expectations and all these shit. Typical of NCHS lah, everytime start of new term also like this. Oh, my class not as enthu as 2D. :( Somehow I feel awkward in 3F. It's like, I don't even dare to stand up and walk to the dustbin. There's still awkwardness between us. Wah this feeling sucks ok. Totally new environment. I don't even dare to raise opinions.

And I got sucky teachers. Chinese, FuMing fml max!!!!! FUMING. FUMING. -_- I'm gonna fail Chinese. Yknow it's like Clarence finish all his holiday hwk so FuMing said in Chinese "Okay 很好。在他的名字旁边画一个星星。" Wtf you think we Sec 1 ah. Even Sec 1 also not like this lor LOL.
Ms Leow for Chem. Idk to be happy or not. Will she catch attire during lessons? I hope not. :(
Mr Li JunSheng form teacher. He look so kuku LOL. Physics him and Ms Goh split teach us. Wah pray Ms Goh teach me can. She so cute. :)
Maths...still don't know yet. 3E got Mrs Ong. so good lah wtf!!!! 3B i think is Miss Sng. I saw her. I want Ms Snggggg she so niceeeeee. :(
English Mr Francis Lee. Okay lah not bad but I think he quite gay LOL. He even thought of setting up a English FB page haha cool max!!

I was starting to get over you. But you appeared in front of me. Like always, I get this rush of emotions when i see you. Even if it was just a glance. But a glance was enough to make me happy for the whole day. Were you here to change your mind? I hope so. :( Nobody likes their loved ones to leave right? Yeah if you hope for miracles i'm sure it will happen. :) Don't stop believing in yourself. :) Doubt you will read my blog anyway so I guess it won't hurt writing all my feelings out yeah?

Last day of 2010

2010-12-31T23:11:00.001+08:00

Last day of 2010. A must post. :)
So....
In 2010 I:
-became lazier.
-grew taller(?) :D
-grew FATTER
-stayed out later at night.
-learnt how to cycle. (Yah I bet you're laughing now. :()
-learn how to swim (lol im joking).
-got my own cameraaa woohoo.
-got geo lens. :)
-had a one-minute crush on many hot guys on the streets. :D
-had a stupid long-term crush on Mj. :(

I'm sorry I can't think of anything else!! 2010 was over in a blink of an eye that I can't recall anything much. I had so much fun and awesome memories in 2010. :)
Thanks everyone out there for showing their care/love for me, being there for me, keeping me entertained when I'm bored or even giving me advices and cheering me up when I'm down. :D

But I'm ending 2010 sadly..
I won't be able to see your face anymore. There is nothing I can do to make you stay, can I?

Heavy heart.

2010-12-30T19:12:00.001+08:00

Your parents' expectations of school:
They expect you to be walking to school like:

but in reality you’re like:

they expect you to be in class like:

but in reality you’re like:

they expect you before an exam to be all like:

but in reality you’re like:

they expect to react to your exam mark like:

but in reality they’ll be like:

School is starting. 2010 is ending. 2011 is starting. And I know during the first few days of school I will still write my class as 2D, write my index as 5, write the date as 2011. Sigh, I miss 2010. 2010 was awesome yet sucky. I wish 2011 would be better. :D I hope I won't be as lazy as I was in 2010!!

Hmmmm today had Maths tuition from 10-12. Another one on Monday. Hellz. T_T 2 hours and I only did 9 questions. :D
After tuition went lunch with Junice and teacher YuLin!!!!!! :D Monday going for lunch again including YiJia!! Ate MadJack. Madjack was fucking awesome, whole restaurant all hot guys walking all over serving except for that old uncle. :D I still like the cashier guy!! Fuck hot!! I know i know. I always look at hot guys. And I think i got my retribution. :( Mj..... Things didn't go as well as I wanted them to. :( Walao I was hoping so much that he come into my class. Fml now I won't look forward to school anymore because that class got some seductive bitches. :( I didn't mean to offend anyone, and I'm not referring to anyone in particular! I'm just....jealous of the people in 3C.

I'm so sad that I cried in MadJack when I saw the class list. Shopping was great anyway.
Baibaixoxo.

Capture memories.

2010-12-27T14:16:00.000+08:00

When your crush walks by:
you will be all like:

EXPECTATIONS:

but the REALITY is:

and you’re just like:

Hello good morning everyone!!
Recently I started reading Xiaxue's blog very frequently!! It's so nice. :D Her pictures are so pretty. I want to be like her. No work, no stress. Her job is just blogging. And she gets so many free products for being famous. Jealous. :(
Gosh i need makeup to enhance my looks!!! :( But I dont have the skills. Bleh.

Fuck lah I want thissss!!!!
INSTANT CAMERA *_* Sui bo? :D

Just you wait, I'm gonna save enough money for this baby!! :D

My cousin has this!!!! Walao jealous much!!! But I got to use it on Christmas wheeeee. I hope she goes and produce the pictures soon!! :) 30cents for one piece wtf!!

Oh I got my dad to buy this for me!! >:) Yeah baby!! >:D It's gonna be mine!! Fuckyeah it's pink!! :)

Okay baibai hohoho I love pretty cameras. :)

Season greetings.

2010-12-25T16:47:00.002+08:00

This is me, every morning:

And this after school:

Greetings, programmes. :P
Merry X'mas everyone! :) Damn I tried to make the colours by idk why it disappears by itself eveytime!! Rawr.

Anywayyy, it's Christmas today!! But why I don't feel the excitement and the happiness?
Suddenly it doesn't seem as interesting as other years. Maybe it's because I've grown old? Perhaps only small kids look forward to receiving presents on Christmas. Maybe because I want to spent Christmas with you. :( But it seems like you have someone else to spend with. You're supposed to spend it with me. :( Joking, not me. But why always her? I want to go out with you, and you only. No one else. Is that possible? :(

Yesterday was Clarinet section outing! XD Well, only about half came. Plus uncle Jackson from Eupho. ^^ Extra kid, lol joking! :) Met YuFang and Vanessa on the train hehe!! Walao then got this girl and her mum keep looking at me. Is it the way I dress? I know I chio but dont need stare until like that right. :( Ah kidding. XD
Trained to Dhoby Ghaut and waited for the rest to come! Got this auntie came to use Vanessa's phone haha!! Yay then we walked to Cathay to watch Tron Legacy!

The movie was kinda hard to understand by the graphics were great. XD After movie everyone's neck was aching because we sat at first row. Except me heh. XD Then went to eat dinner! Yay Chester laoba treat us to Pizza Hut! Yumyum!! Jackson damn horny and funny! I thought he was an innocent boy!! Omg, guess I was wrong. :D

Dinner was fun because we laughed alot. We're the noisest table!! :D After dinner took some pictures and trained home! XD Let the pictures speak okay. XD

Goodbye, relatives coming my house later to celebrate. :D Yesss my cousin is bringing her Diana to take pictures woohoo. :D

Delusions.

2010-12-22T15:51:00.002+08:00

When I see couples like:

On the outside I’m like:

But on the inside I’m like:

Thought I was over you. Guess I was wrong. Am I in delusion?
Because you don't know how much you mean to me. How would you ever know? Probably never. All these while I'm the one who is giving myself false hopes. It was never you. You didn't really bother.

Edit/:
Fuck you son of a bitch. :( Why did you lie to me. Why did you cheat my feelings? Whywhywhywhy? Do I look like a toy to you? You gave me false hopes. Liar. Lieslieslieslies and more lies. I'm not gonna talk to you anymore. So now I know you only come to me when she's busy. No I don't wanna be the second option. I feel like I'm being toyed. Yeah don't judge a book by its cover.

Happy endings.

2010-12-20T21:33:00.002+08:00

6342.) People seem to think of happiness as a destination. Happiness isn’t somewhere to go or a place you can get to. Happiness is an emotion. A feeling. Something that is chosen. You choose. Choose happiness.

Sometimes someone comes in your life that changes everything. Raises the standards, makes you life, and makes you feel like you. There is something about him that you can't put into words and even though you're not with him, you don't want to let him go.

Sometimes I can't help but wonder if God is making fun of me. Why can't I find my happiness? My happy ending? Everyone had their happy endings. What about mine? Call me impatient, I don't mind because I admit I am. Why the guy that I like always had their happy endings? Whywhywhywhywhy. Why can't I be someone's happy ending? I want to complete someone's life. Tell me I'm expecting too much. Yeah maybe I am. Hence all this disappointment I am feeling right now. Call me childish, but think about it. Don't you want to find someone who loves you and you loves back too? Don't you want to live happily ever after like fairytales? I know fairytales don't exist but maybe happy endings will be ours if we don't stop believing and stop telling our heart that there are no happily ever afters. I always envy couples I see on the streets. Old couples give me more hope. :) Perhaps we haven't found the right guy... But you can't help wondering when they will come right? Look at the streets. There's so many people in this world. Millions, billions? But which one will belong to you? Isn't is amazing that among those billions of people out there, one special person will be the one who fills your heart up? Anything is impossible. I shouldnt be feeling so down just because of one small thing. Don't stop believing. :)

Forget you.

2010-12-20T16:02:00.000+08:00

-Credits to Tumblr.
This so so coolz, must try it out! :D

Helloz, yesterday's performance at botanic gardens was awesome! :D
Honestly its my first time visiing there, I'm feel like I'm not a Singaporean man. The view there was awesome. The grass, the clouds, the people. There were so many ang mohs, cute babies and dogs. :) In future I would like to have a pinic by the water with my boyfriend! :) How romantic! But it was freaking hot. :( I got sunburn on my arms and cheeks. But I think now it's okay already. :)

Had McChicken for lunch!! 2 was damn filling, I cant finish it. :( They shuld've ordered set!! :) Then can drink milo! Hmm anyway we had 1 rehearsal and after that the real performance started. :) NCWO was the 2nd to performance and as time passed, more and more people came!! Aww I like the grand finale. :) Christmas songs are awesome max. :)

When NCWO finish performing Me, SB and Jasmine keep looking for Cat High people!! :) I want to find my DB and Jasmine want to find her dont-know-who HAHA. SB only likes St. Pats. -.- Tsk, then we eat some food provided by Val Chan yay!!! :) And I took pictures of this ang moh baby!!

I know my photography skills is awesome. :D

After that reached school @ around 8!! Walked to CP to drink pearly soya milk then homeeee Im so tireddddd theres still band tmllllllll. Drilllllllllls nuuuuuuuuuuu. Baibaiiiiii. :D

DB? You?

Thoughts.

2010-12-17T21:09:00.003+08:00

Awesome day today. Well maybe only at the start of the day.
Arrived @ St. Andrews at around 8plus. Warmed up together with St. Andrews, St. Pats, Catholic High. :)
Then we started performing one by one. Yknow what? All the other band are so pro, and ncwo is damn lao kui. :( I bet all of us are feeling the same.. St. Andrews piccolo damn pro, so loud. Percussion also damn pro! The mallets like omgwtfbbq. Cat High also good. St. Pats no need say right. :( Ugh then yknow the Memories of Friendship. Got one part I cant get it right!! PEKCHEK LAH WTF!!! KILL ME LAH. When our turn to play that part we damn soft cos we cant really play. But when I heard the other band play, its damn loud and clear. Fuck sia, hate myself!! Chaocheebye!!!!!!! Then Volgelhandler? NO NEED SAY LAH. I DIED AT "T" KNN. -_- RUNNING NOTES. I SUCK. Only can hear Chester. :( But i think today I kinda got the rhythm le. Hopefully. :(

Then after that went for section lunch. Chicken rice. :) Wanted to eat with other schools's Clarinets too but will be too many people! After lunch went to see St. Andrew band room. Solid sia. :( Damn big and spacious. :( Next was combined practice for those seniors involved in final finale. Then the rest of us? Sectionals. I keep getting thirsty during sectionals. :( And I like the rugby field grass... So soft, so different from those normal grass. Practiced with other sec 2. We suck for sec 2 players. Sian, we wasted 11 months during sec 1 doing theory... If we practiced our instruments will we be better?

After everything was over and de-briefing, went back nchs. And I was so tired I fell asleep on the bus. :( Went back, heard the sec 1s play Jubilance and Memories of Friendship. Fuck pro can. I feel damn lao kui as a senior. When i was sec 1 I cant even play that well. Fml srsly. Kill me naoz. Then we played Vogelhandler. Died at "T" again. FML LA. RUNNING NOTES -'- Flutes damn pro. Clarinets? We suck. :( Im sorry Chester if we disappointed you. We're such failure. Sorry to make you so worried about this section. We know you're trying to improve our playing asap for the performance. Sorry that we're no as dedicated as you before. Sorry that we were not hardworking enough and not putting effort into practicing. Sorry.
Fml I think I'm getting flu soon. Keeo sneezing today and my nose feels weird. Block nose then running nose?

For you:
6306.) The two of you need to break up. Plain and simple. You’re both miserable; you feel like you’re losing her, like she doesn’t care, and she feels like you’re too needy and all she wants to do is flirt with other guys. BREAK UP. Boy, you need a girl who will be what you want: yours. Me? I’m not that girl. But even I could do it better than she can. You need to find someone who cares. -Via Tumblr

If we ever meet again.

2010-12-16T22:17:00.001+08:00

At this age, everything is changing. Day by day we don’t notice, but just look back over the past year and you will realize everything has. People you thought were going to be there forever aren’t, and people you never imagined you’d be speaking to are now some of your closest friends. Life makes little sense, and the more we grow the less sense it will make. So make the most of now, before it all changes once again, because in the near future, all of this is only going to be memories. -Via Tumblr.

Hey you. Please don't leave. Nobody likes people to leave from their lives right? Not like I'm part of you life.. If you leave it'll be so meaningless for me. I will miss seeing your face. I will miss you walking pass classrooms and hallways. I will miss your smile. I will miss you playing the piano... Never thought that day I saw you might be the last time. I had a dream about you again today and in my dream we talked. Would we be able to talk to each other one day? We're already in two different worlds and now the distance has increased. You're fading away. Will you miss me like how I will miss you?

Edit/:
Must things really end up this way? All the seniors so stressed about Sunday. Sorry, I will screw up the performance. Yeah, Sunday will be a failure... I can't even play my parts correctly... Throw face? Most likely. I'm not looking forward to it because everyone will be so pissed about the performance.

Time of my life.

2010-12-12T23:48:00.002+08:00

I honestly love it when somebody sees me, screams my name & then runs to hug me.

Hi I just wasted another precious day of my holiday.
Today I woke up early and prepared for tuition but my teacher was sick, what an irony. I could've continued sleeping like a pig! Argh. Being awake so early in the morning, I felt bored and I didnt know what to do. I just walked around the house, playing my psp. I wanted to do my homework but I need to log in to AceLearning. And I know that if I on the computer I would end up Facebooking and Twitting instead of logging in to AceLearning. Gah so I did nothing until lunch was over and I started playing Nightclub City on Facebook, lamez. So yeah up till now, I have not logged in to AceLearning to check my homework. :\

Tomorrow after band I'm going off to 6K chalet! I'm so eggcited! Midnight cycle and mignight movies. :) H2H Talks. Well I hope we can bond as a class. No more BBQ cos it always fails. :(

Oh look how skinny I was last year.
Fuck and now I become like what? I gained so much weight. If you think I'm skinny you're wrong. I'm really getting fatter everyday. I know myself better than you do. I do look okay from the outside but actually I'm not.. I don't want to sound like those bitches who claim how fat or ugly they were so that people will say they're pretty and skinny. No, that's not my intention. Its just that I'm really not that skinny anymore. Even my Father says I'm getting fatter. I want my skinny body back. :( When I was skinny I hated how everyone kept saying I was too skinny and I needed to gain more weight. And I wished I would get a little fatter so people would stop commenting on my skinniness. Guess God heard my prayers but he kind of made me too fat? Now I want to be skinny again. :( I'm sorry my skinny body. I didnt know how to appreciate you. Would you please come back to me? I like the way you wouldnt grow fat no matter how much rubbish I ate. :'( Sigh, and now I envy all those tall and pretty girls with long and beautiful skinny legs. They look good no matter what they wear. With good figure you dont have to worry about what clothes to wear. But fat people? Fat people wouldnt look good in jeans.. :( Gah I want long beautiful legs so I can look good in skinnies. :D Thats why I hated wearing jeans now. I have fat legs. And for next Sunday's performance we have to wear jeans. Fml, thats when you'll realise what i'm talking about right now...

Enough is enough.

2010-12-11T22:58:00.003+08:00

5871.) I like this guy. I know I shouldn’t because there’s no chance we’ll ever go out, but when I see him something inside me melts, my heart beats a million times faster, and I feel as if I may faint, as if nothing else exists but him. I guess I sort of like him. I wish there was a way to never feel this way about someone who you know will never feel the same about you.

trying to listen to a lesson:

teacher asks me a question:

someone trying to be funny:

slow moving bitches in the hallway:

pop quiz:

bitches whining to me about their boring life:

we have homework?

HOME:

-Credits to Tumblr.

Some pictures from Malaysia. I didnt take much cos Im a lazy girl and I hate my laziness. But I cant help it, can I? It has became a habit of mine. And habits were developed since young. When I was young I got my maid to do everything for me. Will laziness ever lead to obesity?

Ate this soup-bread in Times Square. Awesome much? The "bowl" is made of bread. Is this sold in SG?

Ooh yes, the tag on my wrist is the Genting theme park tag! :))))

Okay Im too lazy to write anything else. But I gave you pictures hehe. :)
My Sec 3 tuition starts tomorrow, Science. I hope my Science will improve rawr. :( I'm not failing Science anymore.
Well the teacher will be coming @ 11am tomorrow. Got to sleep early tonight, buaiz. :)

Some people just dont know when to stop, do they? Really... There should be a limit.
Oh don't you hate it when people create blogs and ask you to link them and when you linked them, months after them being MIA, their blog vanished into thin air. Actually thats not so bad. But would it have been different if some people repeats this cycle over and over again, asking you to keep relinking them when one day they're just gonna delete their blog again? I'm sorry if anyone got offended, but I just have to write it out.

All those masks we wore.

2010-12-08T22:38:00.001+08:00

You know what the worst feeling in the world is? When someone you have been crushing on forever, when someone you love with all your heart, when someone gives you the butterflies when he walks by, when someone you dream about everyday, and someone you would give absolutely anything to, feels the same way - just not about you.
-via raindropsonredroses

Will you be mine someday?

Hey thar, I'm just plain lazy to blog about my Genting trip. Some other time perhaps.
Band was awesome today. Monday, band. I have my primary 6 chalet. How? If I dont go I'll feel guilty. :( Sigh I don't know what to do. It seems like I don't care about things anymore. Everyday I just eat, sleep, surf net, band and the cycle repeats. Nothing interesting ever happens. Why is this so? Is everyone fading away or is it just me? Why do I feel like you don't bother about me anymore? Why do I feel like I'm not important to you? Are you keeping things from me? Maybe I expected too much from you hence the disappointment now. I'm sorry if I ever did anything to make you hate me. If you dislike me, just tell me. I'll go...

I'd give you all my love.

2010-12-03T07:19:00.002+08:00

Hello. I'm so bored in the bus so I'm using my phone to blog.

Yes I'm going to Genting. :) Roller Coasters. Chewing gums. And I bet the weather there will be so much cooler than Singapore. :)
I will be back on Tuesday! Don't miss me too much yeah? Must still continue to tag me plzzzz my blog is dying. :(
Hopefully I can get my mind off him in Genting. He has his happy ending already I guess. No point for me to hang on right? Not that I have anything to hang on...... :(
Argh bye! Reaching Singapore custom!

Is it love that you crown?

2010-12-01T12:38:00.001+08:00

Hello Ello Yellow Jello.
I'm back from camp!!!!! :D Did anyone miss me? :)
Okay I'm feeling so tired and lazy right now so I'll post a short post!

Met SB, Jasmine, Daphne @ cp and we walked to school together with all our big bagsssss. :( Settled down and everything. We were separated into different groups. :( Sadly I'm not with SB and Jasmine! :( Basically we were practicing playing instrument during the camp. From morning 8/9am to 10pm at night. We're so hardworking right. ^^ Then almost every section had a tutor too. Clarinet tutor was nice. Cause he's so patient and friendly and best of all he doesn't scold. :) He's called dont know what Mr Sharxxxx. LOL Chester call him Mr Sharingan. You think Naruto har? HAHAH.

On Tuesday night we had a romantic playing in the hall. We off all the lights in the hall and we clipped lights on our scores. ^^ It was so awesomeeeeeeeee and coollllllll.
But it was also the night that Mr Glosz really knocked us into some sense. He gave a long talk. And it made me realize that all this while I didnt have the passion for band. I didnt put in enough effort into my playing. Tone, intonation, tuning, articulation, air etc. I didnt really bother trying to perfect my part while others are putting in so much effort to make the band sound better. And what am I doing? Im just happily playing without caring about all those. Whats worse is that Clarinets have the melody parts which is super important cos it needs to be loud. :( 1st and 3rd Clarinet know their parts. But 2nd lei? Me, YuFang and Vanessa haven't learn the behind part of Vogelhandler. And at those parts that we were unsure we just stone there. I can only hear Chester playing. Mr Glosz say Chester cant cover for the whole section. True, i should buck up. And he say we only can play 45% of our score? Yeah thanks alot, i feel so motivated to play even better now. Thats my motivation. When Glosz say that I feel damn useless and I feel like crying wtf. Then back in band room, Bryant gave a talk too. And I really feel damn stress until I cry. I got fever that day too and people thought I cried because I'm sick but its actually because of syf. I dont get why people want a gold or gold with honour so much. I'd rather everyone play happily without bothering about getting those medals or awards. Maybe I was wrong. I shouldn't be so selfish right? Other people are working so hard to get a gold and yet I'm not practicing hard enough. I feel so guilty...

At night i cant sleep. :( It was so freaking cold and I was sick wtf. :( I don't want to sleep in classroom too. So no choice. Ate Panadol again and felt better! My energy came back! Thanks Gabriel!! :D Self practice on Vogelhandler. Chester tried teaching me some part but I can't get the hang of it!!!! :'( YuFang too. :( After that lunch, and tutor came again. I like this teaching method. He teach sloe tempo then we can get the correct fingerings easily. ^^ Woot. And I realise there's a shortcut method to play high B. I feel so dumb pressing the extra button last time LOL. After that went to hall for 1 combined practice on Memories Of Friendship. I suck at that piece!! GAHHHHHH need to work on so much things. And worst of all I'm going overseas on Friday. I confirm lose my embouchure one!! Wtf!! Sad lah. All my efforts for the past 3 days gone to waste. But I brought my reed homeeeee so I can season it at Genting! Yayyyy gonna try to make my reed last longer! Trying to use the method tutor taught us. ^^ I should've brought my mouthpiece home too. Then can practice my embouchure. Sianz. :( Ohwellz. Tutor coming down on Friday and Wednesday. Sadly I'll not be here on Friday. :( And Monday band room is open for self practice and I'l still at overseas. Sigh.

Sorry for this boring post about band lmao. :D
Tomorrow is 2 Dec and I'm gonna buy my Sec 3 textbooks! YAYYY. I still hope MJ come my class plzplzplzplzplz. :( Then I will have motivation to study!! Ohwell. Don't buy the physics workbook right? Gonna start tuition soon. Sigh my December holidays will be damn packed. OMGWTFBBQ i suddenly remembered about the holiday homeworks. Wtf sian max lah. Dont know what movie review and book review. Sianz.

Okay baiz. :)
My 11:11 wish can true!
I was expecting to see some updates from you when I return but sadly there isnt any!! :(

Love lust.

2010-11-29T00:33:00.002+08:00

OMGWTFBBQ NICHKHUN. ^o^

Hello! Last post before I go to band campz tomorrow morning until Wednesday evening. :( Yes, today i watched Mnet!!! It was everywhere on Twitter and Facebook! :) But only got a few artists lei, like so biased. No SHINee, Super Junior, 2AM, F(x), SNSD??? But still can see 2PM la hor not so bad. ^^ 2PM sho hawtz. Especially when they perform and tear their shirt to show their abs like omgwtfbbq hahahaha. Spazzing!! :) I fell in love with Nichkhun all over again!
But kinda boring lah, 2NE1, 2PM, Miss A keep winning LOL. Kinda dumb. :) But I love the double combo bubble rap by G-Dragon and TOP!!! TOP SO HAWT ALSO. ^^ WHITE HAIRRR.

Anywayyyyyyy I hope band camp will be fun. :( Will I ever survive? Intensive training lei, sian tothemaxxxx. :( Whats more when I return on Wednesday, I only have 1 day to rest before I set off for Genting!! Yippieeeee. Don't miss me?? :) Eh I hope you guys still read my blog k!! :) Oh and I'll be wearing specs in camp. :( Lazy to bring contacts lah. :( So you guys will finally get to see me in specs. :( I feel so sian when I think about foot drills and PT with specs omg. My specs confirm will slide down de laaaaaaa. Eh how, I scared of Glosz lei. :( I scared I play damn lousy then he scold me in front of everyone. :( Okay but I really damn lousy. :( Howwwww. :( Okay lah no more ranting. Buaibuaiz. :((((

P/S: I hope to see MJ during the days I stay in school for camp! :(((

Bittersweet.

2010-11-27T22:59:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling so frustrated, unhappy, lonely and angry now. Could it be mood swings?
I just feel....that the world is not full of....good things. I don't know how to put my thoughts into words. But I'll try. Of course, all good things come to an end. Nothing last forever. BFF Best Friends Forever? No, because we'll all die eventually. There is not forever. We all have a one-way ticket to Death. -quoted from Claire Lim.

I'm don't know why I'm feeling like this now. I feel like nobody cares. I feel loneliness. I feel like nobody loves me. Well true. I'm not expecting everyone to love me. I'm sure there're people out there who hates me. But sometimes don't you just feel...helpless? Maybe I'm just sick of life. Sick of trying very hard to please everyone. Sick of trying to make people hate me lesser. But who doesn't like the feeling of being loved? It's such a nice feeling to be loved. And to be cared of. It makes us feel comfortable and it gives us warmth. But how many people actually experience this feeling? Some people are just plain unlucky because they don't have any friends or family members to love them. Yet some people are so lucky because everyone around them show them their love but they don't know how to appreciate it. Do I sound so despo for love here? I'm sorry. Maybe I am... :(((

Nobody really understands how you feel. So yah, I guess nobody will understand me. And neither will anyone understand you guys. Sad how life is like this. Still trying to find my purpose in life. Hopefully I can find it soon? Or maybe I hope to find someone whom I mean their life to LOL. Okay I'm so sad I'm gonna go eat icecream and get fat and get overweight next year and then you guys can see the fat side of Clare. Buaibuaiz.

Are you getting tired of me already? Don't know why I miss all the attention from you.

Fireworks.

2010-11-26T00:46:00.001+08:00

Today I experienced all different sort of feelings. It sucks you know.
Well today started off as a beautiful and bright Thursday to look forward to.
Basically we went to the Hougang area to do many things. Brandon, Junice, Alan, Joe, Me.
Yes it was fun. Pool > Lunch > LAN (L4D2 & Audi!) > Arcade > Spamming walls > Dinner > Talk crap.
Homed @ around 945. Tiring but fun. :)

Yes but when we were playing pool. Well not me and Junice but the guys, then the song played. I was gonna tell Junice that I wished they played this song but before I could finish my sentence, the song started playing. Such small things like this makes me happy. :) And seeing Joe play JuBeat is like woah wtfomgbqq. Fucking pro. :) Junice videoed it. :)

Yeah back to the mixed feelings part. I don't know why I'm feeling this tinge of jealousy from someone. Weird, probably it's just a temporarily feeling. I hope it'll fade soon because if it doesn't, I don't know what will happen. :(
Yeah and my feelings are fading. I don't know why too. Maybe I've learnt to let go of it. Maybe I've just, given up hope? Who knows.

Oh not forgetting I'm feeling kind of frustrated too. At first it was okay because I know that person was just joking and taking sweet revenge so I kinda cooled off. But then before my day ended and I decided to hug my bed, something made me feel.....disturbed. Well it's just that different people have different opinions and different ways of doing things. So you can't expect everyone to follow how the way you want things to be right? Yeah just stating my opinion here. Same goes for you, you have every right to hate this opinion of my and insult it. But yah, just to tell you, perhaps you should try to... Well I don't know how to put it into words. Maybe try to live life easier? Not make it so complicated. Love someone, tell em. No reason to be afraid because once your chance is lost, you'll never be able to find it back again. Yeah same goes for myself. I don't have the courage too. Well yeah I'm just crapping here. :) Hate someone, keep them to yourself unless that person really get onto your nerves and say nasty things in your face. Then it's time for you to stand up for yourself. Because I'm really getting tired of all your complains and all the words you said to me, all the stuff you did to me. To us. Yeah srsly, I can't stand it anymore. That's why i didn't bother to, well, comfort you when you're down. I'm afraid to get close to you now. Afraid that I might do something wrong and make you hate me or make you have a reason to be angry at me. Sorry, but I guess everything is coming to an end soon? Thankfully I can be assured that we're not gonna keep in close contact next year. Maybe life will be easier and happier.

Last minute stunts. I'm srsly tired of these. I hope all these will come to an end soon.

Yes, what's wrong with the world these days? Goodnight. I hope you guys who read my post will get a goodnight's sleep tonight and that all your worries will come to an end by the time you wake up the next day. Thanks because I'm not even sure who bothers reading my blog. :( Goodbye lovelies.

Forget.

2010-11-22T18:23:00.001+08:00

(If you ever read this,)
This is for you:
When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Don’t try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring for you, coming to see you, or staying attached to you. When people can walk away, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
-via raindropsonredroses

And here's something that might be able to cheer you up:
Type “Trolololoololloloollololloloooolollololoolololloloollololololool” into google translator and click listen. :)
-via snivillus

Went all the way to Orchard today alone to change my braces colour. ;) Bai.

Forever is over.

2010-11-21T18:48:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I just want to disappear from this world and see who would realise I'm gone.

You're too good for me.
I don't like this silence.
Well, let's see if fate follows us next year...
Perhaps one day I will really get tired of waiting for certain people to come into my life and tired of hearing lies and bullshits from people.

:'(

2010-11-20T22:02:00.003+08:00

Omg nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. :'(
I want my MJ................................................................ :'(
:'(
:'(
:'(

I hope it isn't true. :'(
Jealousy kills. Don't you think so?

(Edit):
It has been confirmed. WTF IM SO SAD. GO AWAYYY. :( SO JEALOUS NOWWWWW. There goes my chance.

Love Language.

2010-11-18T16:02:00.004+08:00

The title says it all. What a touching story. And a nice song.
I think they deserve more views.

Heartfelt words.

2010-11-17T01:17:00.003+08:00

I have no life.
Been Rydahing these days. I've got 3 msi now. I finally got my veamoth. :D 28k str. ^^v K I bet you guys won't understand nvm. :)

LALALA.
Tomorrow is band. Hopefully I can play the syf pieces? :(
Saw both 11:11 coincidentally today. v^^v

Rah.
I really cannot keep this feeling anymore that's why I'm posting here. LOL I srsly hate this person from my primary school. We drifted, fine. But then why are you putting other people from other classes your first priority? K maybe I'm just jealous but we used to be so close. What happened? You changed? Or we changed? Are you just being friendly, or are you a flirt? Ya, I'm a jealous and sensitive girl. Whatever you like to think of me. I hope you read this, but I know you probably won't. K whatever bai. I hate chu. Facebook flirt. Facebook helps us reconnect and find our old friends? Partly true but it also helps perverts and flirts get to know more girls. That's purely my opinion only.

(Edit):
WTF NO BAND TOMORROW. HARI RAYA HAJI(?). I'm so slow. :D YAYYYYY. Srsly I wonder what would happen if I went to school and find myself at school alone. Wtf laokui. :D

Cold Heart.

2010-11-14T14:16:00.003+08:00

Never regret something that made you smile.

13 November:
Happy Birthday, Mum! :)

14 November:
Happy Birthday, Dad! :)

I think I'm getting fat. No, I AM getting fat. :(
When I was over skinny last time I always hoped I would get a little fatter so my relatives would stop saying I'm so skinny! >:( But now I bet they'll say I'm getting fat. Even my father says so. LIKE WTF. Stop commenting on my body can. -_- Very irritatingz. Yeah, I'm fat lah. Stop rubbing salt into the wound. I want to exercise. But I'm lazy. And all I do everyday is sleep early in the morning and wake up in the late afternoon.

Okay, open house performance was a success. :)
Some parents were annoying. There's this woman who walked pass SB, Jasmine and Me. And she scan us from head to toe. Then she stare at our socks and said "Wah, so low ah." in Chinese. Like wtf, attire doesn't even affect our studies. Don't want send your child to nchs then don't send lor. I doubt there'll be much intake of students next year. :P NCHS become SAP school in 2012. No more Normal Acad and Normal Tech. D: What if the world ends. Who cares, I'll graduate already. :P

I need to get new contacts! But my dad is sleeping. How.
Okay, baibai xoxo. I want to go play Rydah/Maple. :D

Seeing you getting upset makes me even sadder. :'(

Expectations.

2010-11-09T12:47:00.003+08:00

Changing my url to captivated-rendezvous.blogspot.com HEHEHEH. :D Should I?

Disappointment.

2010-11-08T19:55:00.001+08:00

Someday I hope I will be satisfied with life, then everything will be better.

But right now, I'm not satusfied with my life. :'( I don't feel like living anymore. Ugh, it's like the end of the world. I hate my class. No, not hate. But I just dislike it. I want to be in 3E. 3E seems like such a fun class. All my friends are in there. Well not all but most of em'. Although I have PeiRong and Jasmine with me, 3F is still gonna be such a not fun class. I think there's gonna be so many guys and so little girls. FML seriously. FML! -_- Should've taken Higher Chinese, damn. 3F? I saw the class list at school and there's so many people I don't even know they existed. And I'm gonna be in the same class as them. Yeah, wtf. Life sucks. School is gonna suck next year. 3F. 3 Fuck? That's the only class name I can think of right now. -_- FML BYEBYE. I still want 3E. :'( But they say cannot appeal to same class combination? 3E all Higher Chinese, walan no hope lah.

You all happy lah hor. I'm so sad I want to kill myself. -_- FML. Imagine Sec 3 camp with your new classes. DOUBLE FML. I really don't wanna be in 3F. -'-

Edit/:
Fuck this streaming system.

Originality.

2010-11-07T01:40:00.002+08:00

Sian. I hate my phone. It's so common. I hate iPhone. Fuck iPhones seriously. I feel like changing my phone x562759294 now. Damn it. Should've gotten something more unique so that not really alot of people will have the same phone as me. Fuck lah. -.-

Maddie's party was fun. I love the cocktail. :) And I took picture of the "Family Tree" in the scrapbook. >:) Can't show you. Confidential eh. :)

P/S: I really wanna lock my blog liao. -.-

Life values.

2010-11-05T23:32:00.000+08:00

Hello. :)
Today was a productive day. Well, at least I didn't sit in front of the computer whole day. Woke up at 945 and left house for compass at 1030. :D Met SB, PR, Serene for Maddie's birthday present preparations. :D I won't specify what!
Okay anyway, we used up 4 tables haha. Went to print pictures worth of $40+ Wasted lots of money. :( Then started our work! After that Christine and Jasmine arrived. Ate lunch together. Ultimate Value Box. :) And Christine saw her hot muscular guy. Daryl was his name. :) HAHA. And guess what? We dared Serene to ask his friends for Daryl's name and she really did. Hilarious moment. :D It was damn embarrassing. They keep wanting to come to our table but in the end did not. :) Christine blushed alot HAHA.
K, we camped at KFC for 8 hours. Yes, just doing one present. AHAH. But it was fun. :) Tomorrow is Maddie's party. More pictures tomorrow. :) YAY I LOVE THE PRESENT. AND YOU WILL KNOW WHY TOMORROW. :D

My artistic shot! :D

My dinner. Looks yummy right! :D

And after a while, you learn that you don’t need anyone else in order to survive. No one is ever going to always be there, no matter what they say or what they promise you. You just gotta suck it up, accept it.
-Hey Arnold.

I wish I could cheer you up when you're down. But I know I'm not the person who can make you feel better when you're wishing someone else was there for you.

Lifeless.

2010-11-04T02:13:00.001+08:00

Hello.
I had this sudden feeling that my life isn't interesting.
I haven't tried smoking. I haven't tried sheesha. I haven't tried bungee jump. I haven't tried diving. I haven't tried clubbing. I haven't had a tattoo. I haven't pierce my tongue/helix. I haven't tried dying my hair. I haven't had my first kiss. I haven't been on a cruise. I haven't tried dancing in the rain. I haven't seen a sunset before. I haven't tried learning dance. I haven't tried learning piano.

Like wtf. I can continue listing on. But I'm just lazy. Might post more if I can think of more. Well, guess I wasn't ready to die anytime yet. If I die right now, I'll leave with so much regrets.
It's 2:13am and I'm not in bed yet.

Follow me.

2010-11-02T19:30:00.003+08:00

Sexy body huh. :D It's mine. :D Kidding. I wish. :(

HEY YOU.
FOLLOW ME PLOXZSC. :( I want some followers so badly. :(

Follow Me. Follow Me. Follow Me. Follow Me. Follow Me. Follow Me. Follow Me. Follow Me. Follow Me. Follow Me. Follow Me. Follow Me. Follow Me. Follow Me. Follow Me. Follow Me. Follow Me.
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